


Heart of Neverland

by Emblue_Sparks



Series: The Neverland Verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU w/canon elements, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cardiologist!Gabriel, Disaster Bi!Gabriel, F/M, Frottage, Gabriel POV, Happy Ever After guaranteed, Kissing, Life threatening heart conditions, M/M, Magic, Miracles, Neurologist!SexyBondM.D!Mick Davies, Neverland Verse, Pediatric hospice, Questions/Clarifications/Spoiler requests always welcome, Recovered Memories, SMUT TAGS:, Some Dean POV, Stand Alone, Topping from the bottom!Mick, and also general emotional disaster, angel!cas - Freeform, crisis of faith in ones self, dadstiel, discussions of terminal health conditions & end of life care, hands jobs, nurse!Dean, orgasm induced celestial glowy eyes, widowered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:54:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29471292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emblue_Sparks/pseuds/Emblue_Sparks
Summary: Twenty three years ago, pediatric cardiologists Gabriel and Kali saved the life of Dean Winchester. The unique circumstances surrounding the event left Dean emotionally shattered and Gabriel haunted. Now, as he disparagingly prepares eight month old twins for departure from Neverland West to pediatric hospice, Gabriel comes face to face with the man whose heart he once both saved and destroyed.Discovering an indomitable strength in the man he thought he'd broken as a teen, Gabriel slowly begins retrieving his shaken faith. In turn, he discovers his guarded emotional defenses lowering around his longtime friend, colleague, and crush Mick Davies. If he can achieve the impossible with faith and maybe self forgiveness, can this widowered physician heal his own broken heart in the process?
Relationships: Balthazar/Hannah(male vessel), Dean/Castiel, Gabriel/Mick Davies, Jo/Charlie - Relationship, John/Ellen, Sam/Eileen, past Gabriel/Kali - Relationship
Series: The Neverland Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919596
Comments: 46
Kudos: 9
Collections: Gabriel Big Bang





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my Gabriel Big Bang 2021! Although Gabriel is dear to me, this is the first fic of mine in which he is the main the character. I've been waiting for the right time to explore a characterization of him which was not often shown in canon, but is very real and important. While known as the very beloved class clown of SPN's celestial line up, I always saw more depth behind his surface Trickster persona. My strongest, most popular fic(and also my favorite) is the original story in this verse (Escaping Neverland-my 2019 DCBB), in which Gabriel plays an understated role. In this story, you learn far more of what he personally contends with. It is not necessary to have read Escaping Neverland before reading this, although if you have any questions, by all means please ask!!! Hopefully I've managed to portray Gabriel with the same depth of emotional turmoil, but also his endless capacity for compassion, incredible loyalty, and fierce love in all forms. Maybe some humor too! 
> 
> I'd like to thank LeviSqueaks, my co-mod for the Gabriel Big Bang, for asking me on this whirlwind adventure. It's been an unexpected blast! Many thanks to my beta and dear friend tfw_cas, who always receives my overly ambitious stories with optimism and encouragement. Not to mention, she saves me from myself constantly. Major kudos and hugs to my wonderful artist @jossujb who took a chance on this aged rare pair and has given me such beautiful pieces, that are actual PAINTINGS. BLESS. You can find them in Chapters 1 and 5!!!
> 
> One last thing before I shut up already and let you begin....for next year's Gabriel Big Bang 2021 we're flipping things around and having a Reverse Bang! In the mean time, the Gabriel Big Bang server will be hosting a small (3x3) Gabriel Bingo starting in April! Want to join a super chill discord that looooves our favorite Archangel? Let me know and I'll hook you up! Alright, enough of my yapperin'. Buckle up and Enjoy!

**~2018~**

_"Baby mine, don't you cry_

_Baby mine, dry your eyes_

_Rest your head close to my heart_

_Never to part_

_Baby of mine"_

Sitting in the quiet of night's comfort on the hospital’s unit of Neverland West, Dr. Gabriel Speight held two precious souls, softly singing them a song dear to his heart. A heart under tremendous burden and more fatigue than the combined weight of the sweet twins in his care. 

"Your shift ended hours ago, the wee bairns have no idea how lucky they are to have yae," Rowena stated with deep respect for the cardiologist. 

Gabriel returned a wistful smile. "I'm happy to have given them my best, although they deserve so much better."

Rowena expressed a sober understanding of his words. "Until there's more advanced tools and knowledge, your best is everything. D'nae doubt yourself."

Gabriel nodded, not in dismissal of her admirable intent, but the need to avoid skating over a line his own weary soul hadn't the strength to revisit. He'd reached his daily limit, hell, his decade limit. Spying the hospice transfer packets in her hands, he made an executive decision, at least for the night.

"Can you put those on my desk? I'm toast, gonna head home. They'll be priority numero uno tomorrow morning."

"Aye," she reassured, taking little Max for bedtime vitals and medications. 

Something about her devotion and reverence for Gabriel always mystified him. He'd observed her demonstrating nothing less than unwavering respect towards others in the workplace, save when someone truly deserved her ire. But she hadn't looked upon them the same way as she did him. One could suppose it might be romantic in nature, but Gabriel never really got that vibe from her. Yet there was definitely something there and if it had to be labeled, then perhaps he'd go with a profoundly genuine kinship. Something about her presence also held an air of familiarity, tip toeing on the edges of bonafide recollection, yet always eluding him. He enjoyed working with someone in possession of the same tireless work ethic and love for children as he had. 

  


Gabriel carefully shifted so he wouldn't startle a sleeping Alicia from her peaceful slumber. Any kind of upset put undue stress on her heart and at this stage, he endeavored to make every moment for these babies as calm as possible. He and Rowena worked down the twins’ nightly checklist side by side, before thanking her, then departing unit Neverland for home. 

As he roamed through the halls and elevators he passed a man whom he'd seen for years, but never had the occasion to formally meet. His dress was strange for a hospital, but immaculate nonetheless. Gabriel often wondered if he was the graveyard chaplain, with his black tailored suit and green breast pocket square. It seemed a bit fancy for such a station, yet he never judged, only wondered about him, as when they'd pass each other the man regarded him with a hint of recognition. 

During the drive, he found memories from over two decades earlier invading his mind. They never truly let him rest, but since the twins had come under his care a few months earlier, the unforgettable cases of two teens had been replaying with far more frequency than he'd prefer.

**~1995~**

_Is there an alternative form of treatment?” John Winchester asked with regards to his son._

_Gabriel's wife Kali answered in a careful tone. “Normally, the next step would be a pericardectomy. We'd remove the fluid filled sac around his heart. However, it’s our opinion Dean wouldn’t make a good candidate for the operation.”_

_Ellen and John stiffened, but Gabriel saw it was Dean who spoke up, “Why not?”_

_He'd been silent for most of the meeting, letting Kali explain the best course of action they'd decided on, but spoke to Dean with clear effort to maintain conversational calm, although the news was anything but._

_"It's open heart surgery. We're confident the risks involved far outweigh the benefits in your case. The only reason we’re willing to open your chest is to give you a new heart. Meanwhile, we’ll try another pericardiocentesis and hope this time it holds.”_

_“And if it doesn't?” Dean's stepmother Ellen Winchester wondered aloud, “where is he on the list? How much longer is the wait?”_

_“He’s moved up significantly in the last two months, but several children are still ahead of him. It can move very quickly, other times it can stall out. It's unpredictable. For now, we'll repeat the procedure, hoping it takes,” Dr. Kali answered._

_“Again, if it doesn't?” John demanded._

_Gabriel understood the alarm and fear so evident on these parents’ faces. Dean was in a very dire medical situation from an accidental electrocution, where trying to save him could kill him, yet doing nothing would guarantee his death. He didn’t envy them or their brave son sitting there, absorbing all this behind a mask of resolve and stoicism._

_“Pressure on his heart will increase, the lower chambers will struggle with expanding and filling. His blood pressure will drop and he’ll experience more severe rhythms. The defibrillator implant can only do so much with a heart as damaged as his. We’re hopeful, but also encourage you to discuss Dean’s wishes and complete an Advanced Directive,” he issued with a pained look he was unable to hide._

_There was a knock at the door, Gabriel watched with curiosity while someone spoke to the rhythm specialist, Dr. Gavin McLeod, while Ellen talked to John about the Advanced Directive._

_Dr. McLeod announced a cancellation in the cardiac cath lab. Gabriel figured it would do no good for Dean to sit all afternoon stewing about the procedure, so he was glad to see him readily following the technician downstairs after his parents nearly hugged him to death._

**~2018~**

As Gabriel slid into bed, dreading the morning’s paperwork, he wished he could shut down the mental loop of star crossed patients past. Inevitably, another devastating memory inextricably entwined with Romeo and Romeo, made its appearance like the period at the end of the day's tragic sentence. His wife, Kali, had been the only person who'd shared the burden of grief. The sorrow and guilt over what they'd taken from Dean was also the gift of salvation. 

Normally the reception of such a gift entails tears of joy, as it heralds the extension of life when it would otherwise have been extinguished. But for sixteen year old Dean, it was a life sentence of survivors guilt and missing the boy he'd irrevocably fallen in love with. Jimmy Novak had been a multiple organ failure patient with a guaranteed expiration date, who loved Dean back with all of his heart. The heart he donated, because he couldn't abide the thought of a world without Dean Winchester.

The day Dean learned the price of his salvation haunted Gabriel and Kali. The kid’s rage and grief had been so alarming, he'd left the hospital the very embodiment of the walking dead. No one could blame Dean, for months everyone watched he and Jimmy falling deeper in love. But he blamed Gabriel and Kali, they'd performed the transplant after all. Physicians practiced medicine to improve and save lives. Yet they couldn't save everyone, loss came with the job. It was a choice he'd make again if necessary, but the unique situation left deep scars. For Kali, they ran so deep she stepped down as a surgeon.

Gabriel missed her to the moon and back, just as Dean had missed Jimmy. But what he was struggling with most was the impending loss he and his team had tirelessly worked to prevent. The tragedy which would have him considering the point of continuing, had stolen the last pieces of his healer's heart. Its remnants belonged to the endearing innocents he'd been holding earlier, with hands he wished to the heavens were strong enough to cure and keep them here on earth. Morning would bring a heavy task, one to which by now he was no stranger. And that was the problem. 

  


Dean and Cas sat in an office, anxiously awaiting the social worker who'd phoned them the previous day. Neither had expected the call so soon after submitting their paperwork. Nevertheless, their hearts were open and ready to take this next step on their marital journey. When the door opened, their laced fingers tightened, rather than loosening or disentangling altogether. 

"Good morning, you must be the Winchesters. I'm Dorota Horvath, we spoke yesterday. Are you nervous?"

Dean confidently answered, "No. We're ready."

"I'm glad. We asked you to meet so soon, because some of your information aligns rather well with the unique placement requirements of a case that's just arrived."

Dean felt Cas squeezing his hand in excitement when replying, "Consider our interest piqued."

"Castiel, you suffered from life threatening illnesses in your youth. Both of you were transplant recipients, correct?"

Cas nodded then explained, "I received a kidney and pancreas, Dean got a heart. Our health is very good though."

"Your medical files confirm, that's excellent news. Dean, you also work in pediatrics, yes?"

"I'm a pediatric hospice nurse, but in a per diem capacity. And Cas runs the orchard, so most of the time we're home."

"That's a very difficult specialty, I have the utmost respect for the emotional strength required. In fact, it's a major factor in why we've called. You indicated no preference for gender."

"We'll welcome any," Dean assured.

"And you also checked here that you'll take a child of any race and ethnicity?"

"Absolutely," Cas stated.

"Wonderful. Lastly, it says here you have no problem accepting a child with special needs?"

"The experiences we have give us the extra understanding and support a child with special needs would require. There's no situation we'd refuse to give a kiddo the love they deserve." Dean watched Dorota steel herself for the news she was about to deliver. 

"I'm very relieved to hear that, because the case we just received will require a lot of strength and resolve most parents aren't equipped for, or are even searching to take on. I need to make something perfectly clear before going any further."

The knots twisting in Dean's stomach were severely uncomfortable, but everything they'd checked, written, and stated was the absolute truth. "Alright, go ahead."

"If you need some time to think this over, please take it. If you decide it's not the right fit, we assure you that no judgement will be passed. Understood?"

They both said yes.

"At St. Luke's Hospital, there's a set of eight month old, biracial twins with severe cardiac conditions needing end of life care. We've little background information on them other than mom brought them in, extremely ill herself. She knew she was dying and after a lengthy, emotional goodbye, was admitted herself. A few days later, she passed. Aside from the obvious, the twins were in good condition and appeared well cared for. She loved them very much."

Had they been ready for normal? Yes. Ready for a challenge in need of extra love? Absolutely. Prospective parents turned to foster care and adoption for the opportunity of giving their hearts and home to a child they looked forward to raising into adulthood. They didn't apply to fall in love with terminal cases and have their hearts shattered by goodbyes. Normal parents in their right mind would be backing away, politely passing on such a case.

Dean and Cas weren't normal. After his experience with heart failure, losing hospital friends and then Jimmy, took a devastating toll on Dean. He spent twenty years with Donna in therapy and even now, checked in with her once in a while. Cas was born a few years after Jimmy and presented the same conditions. His mother gave him up at age four, only for him to endure not one, but two failed family placements. By the time Jimmy's adopted brother Hannah and his partner Balthazar were notified of his existence and condition, his trauma was so severe he could barely communicate, let alone trust anyone.

They, more than anyone, should be running for the hills from this. And yet their triumph over their traumas were exactly why there were no parents better suited to understand and accept these babies, who deserved the strongest love during the tragically short time they were here. 

"I'll give you a few minutes of privacy. Discuss if this is something you're willing to go home and consider. Remember, no one will judge you for passing on this."

Dean turned to find Cas's eyes already locked on to him. He knew. Dean knew, with his career and the commitment he'd made to ensure brave little souls never left this world alone on his watch, these children would be loved and cared for by them better than anyone else. Was it going to hurt like hell? Absolutely. Yet something silently passed between himself and Cas. They wanted these twins, and would do everything in their power to care for their own mental and emotional well being, so they could do right by the babies who never asked for this. 

Dean spoke up. "That won't be necessary. As my husband said, there's no situation in which we'd refuse to give a kiddo, or in this case kiddos, the love they deserve. What've we gotta do to bring these babies home?"

She looked astonished and issued with a trembling bottom lip, "I can't thank you enough. There'll be a more in depth home assessment by the state, who'll expedite the process given the urgent nature…"

Dean and Cas listened intently, asked questions, and took notes. Three hours later, on their way out Cas asked, "How soon can we meet them and speak with their doctor?"

"I can make that happen as early as tomorrow."

Once in Baby, they paused in silence to absorb the decision they'd just made. At the same time they turned to each other with tears in their eyes. 

"I love you," Dean whispered to Cas before kissing his hand. 

"We're gonna be dads," Cas sniffled.

"This is gonna be real rough, angel. But there's nobody I'd rather do this with than you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Gabriel is singing to the twins in the beginning is "Baby Mine" by Betty Noyes, from Disney's movie "Dumbo."


	2. Chapter 2

He'd overslept. Gabriel wasn't sure why he'd had so much trouble waking up in the mornings as of late. Perhaps it was because most days at best were filled with mediocre results, to all the effort spent on saving Littles who just weren't meant for long in this world. 

Making his way into his office, he greeted the nurses with as much enthusiasm and kindness as he could muster. He'd had to skip the Coffee Shack this morning during his commute, and damn did it suck. The paperwork was right there, atop the pile of referral requests and multitude of prior authorizations requiring signatures. 

As Gabriel sighed heavily, taking a deep breath before diving in to his tragic task, a knock on his door broke his mental pep talk and his heart rate kick started like some goofy teen with a crush. His long time friend Mick Davies, head of pediatric neurology entered, offering a melt worthy smile and salvation in the form of caffeine. 

"You, my friend, could use a pick-me-up. May I pick you up? Or will caffeine suffice?" Mick casually teased. 

Gabe wasn't sure if it was the lingering sleepiness, or the years of longing despite his self restraint that had him blurting out, "This morning, I wouldn't be opposed to you holding me while I consume that nectar of the Gods you've so kindly brought."

"Don't tempt me, angel."

Ah. Yes. Mick had ferreted out of him early on that he was indeed named for the angel and ever since, it'd been his term of endearment. At first Gabe found it a little odd, being given such a schmoopy moniker by another man. But as time went on, he realized Mick actually had an interest in him. 

It'd only been a year or two since Kali when they'd met, but Gabriel still hadn't been in the head and heart space to start a relationship, no matter how dashing the neurologist was. He'd hinted as much to Mick, and it'd never skated beyond their enjoyable, flirtatious banter. 

Yet, over time the Brit had become his most cherished friend. In recent years, Gabriel found himself increasingly aware of his attraction to Mick. But the shameless flirt he'd once been was at a loss as to how he now might pursue his friend, if the window hadn't already closed.

"You want good news or bad news first?" Gabriel tossed out for a conversational snack.

Handing Gabriel his favorite pumpkin spice latte, fog lifter style, Mick’s fingers grazed his hand and lingered there milliseconds longer than usual. "Rip off the band aid, if you don't mind."

"Banes twins aren't gonna make it," Gabriel sighed.

Mick hung his head for a moment. "I really am sorry, mate. You worked hard to stabilize their conditions. It's a real puzzle, that one. Can I get you drunk later?"

"Only if you promise to take advantage of me, this year I've been fucked every which way but the right way. Can't seem to catch a break."

"You will," Mick chuckled with a strange look in his eyes then remembered, "you said there's good news?"

"There's a couple with hospice experience willing to take the twins."

Mick's face instantly turned to shock. "No way. Well that's the best outcome for them, isn't it? At least they'll be with people who know what they're in for, that's some pretty strong love."

"It's what they deserve. Tessa says the foster parents are coming in this afternoon to meet them, and talk with me about what they'll be taking on." 

Gabriel experienced a modicum of relief when sharing this with Mick. He too occasionally lost patients, and understood the festering ache which lingered. 

"How's Auggie?" Gabe inquired after one of Mick's patients, a fourteen year old boy with Batten disease. 

"Yesterday he told me he wasn't afraid of dying. So I asked why a rascal like him's so brave? He dramatically says, and I quote, _'the day I shed my mortal coils, my inner lesbian will finally be free._ ' Can you believe that?"

For the first time in weeks, Gabriel heard himself laugh, and realized it needed to happen more often. "I like where that kid's head is at. What fourteen year old boy doesn't think about lesbians?"

Mick declared, "I didn't, lesbians scared the piss out of me. At fourteen, all I wanted was to run into gay Daniel Day Lewis at my local laundromat."

"Because you're gayer than Elton John performing in the Bible belt," Gabriel lovingly teased.

"You're welcome."

Gabriel mischievously waggled his eyebrows at Mick before the neurologist's vyocera went off. 

"I'll set up an Uber for tonight, good luck with the littles today," Mick offered before giving a small wave.

"Gonna need it. Thanks for the coffee."

Between organizing the myriad of initial preparations for the foster parents and absolutely _not fixating_ whatsoever on the evening ahead with Mick, the morning thankfully flew by. When the appointment time approached, Gabriel grew anxious. He greatly looked forward to meeting the people who knew the heartache they were in for, yet courageously signed up anyways. 

When he and Kali learned their fertility challenges would never be overcome, they'd mourned a future both had desired. It was hard for Gabriel, seeing as before he'd met her, he had no memory of his life at all. None. So both his future and his past had question marks. It seemed only his present was known, and he clung to it like a lifeline. But over time they'd found that the adoration and love for children was already satisfied by the daily interactions with their patients. 

He was in the middle of entering procedure codes for a few tests he'd ordered when an expected knock on his office door had him calling out, "Come on in!"

"This is their cardiologist, Dr. Speight. I'll be at the nurses station if you need anything," he heard Tessa's usual confident introduction sound off. 

Before making eye contact, he finished entering the last code but warmly invited, "Have a seat please, just a minute."

Hitting the Enter key, he then looked up from his computer and froze. Was he having a heart attack? A stroke? Some uncomfortable emotion he couldn't yet identify had him in its grip, utterly tripping him up. The last time he remembered seeing those piercing green eyes felt like a lifetime ago. Yet, he'd never forget them, his sharp memory refused to let him. In his office stood a man on whom he'd bet his medical degree was none other than a grown up Dean Winchester. 

As if that weren't enough to emotionally knock him on his ass for the day, beside him stood another man who was the spitting image of Jim Novak, if Jim had been fortunate enough to live. What in the holy Hades was going on here? The 'might-be-Dean-Winchester' appeared equally taken aback, and so did the ghost of Jim. A bizarre silence filled the room as all three men fought to find their social equilibrium.

Eventually Dean broke the ice first, extending his hand in greeting. "It's been a long time Dr. Speight. How's it going?"

"It's going. Thought about your case more times than I can count over the years, hoped you were doing well." He felt incredibly self conscious and all kinds of awkward.

"I'm doing great. My health is stable, my family's good. Last time you and I spoke, I said some pretty horrible things. 'M sorry about that."

"Why are you apologizing? From your age and perspective I took away the person who mattered most. Your reaction was so understandable, and I don't hold you responsible in any way for what you said," Gabriel assured Dean and then turned to Cas, "if anything, I'm kind of spooked seeing you here. Apologies, but you are?"

"Castiel Winchester, I'm Dean's husband."

Gabriel could not have been more shocked if one of these guys had conjured a salmon out of thin air and slapped him across the face with it. He was still trying to wrap his head around the situation when Cas softly explained the situation. 

"Jim and I had no knowledge of each other. It wasn't until my mid teens, when his brother Hannah and Balthazar were contacted through an adoption agency about my existence and conditions."

"Dr. Roché? They moved back out to Lebanon shortly after losing Jim, didn't they?"

"Yes. I'd been receiving treatment at K.U. Med Center when their agency contacted them. Learning about my existence, then meeting me really threw them, after what happened with Jim. Our unusual likeness only made it more difficult, as you can imagine."

"I can," Gabriel answered mechanically, still stunned by how much Castiel resembled his memory of Jim, or how he was supposed to look, "I don't mean to pry, but Dean, how is it you came to know Castiel if Dr. Roché and Hannah moved all the way to Lebanon? It sounds like an extraordinary story."

Dean made a sarcastic snort, "You aren't wrong. Believe me, after twenty years of therapy for what I experienced here, the last thing I expected was Castiel. My brother Sam moved to Lebanon when he and I inherited a property from our paternal grandfather. He made the simple, quiet life sound all too appealing and when I moved in, fate ran me right into Castiel. Hannah and Jimmy were adopted by the Novaks who lived in Lebanon. When both parents died in an F4 tornado that touched down here back in the early 90s, their sons inherited forty acres and a house. When Cas graduated from K.U., Hannah and Dr. Roché saved a few acres for themselves next door, and decided to give the lion's share to Cas as a start up for his orchard."

"No shit?" Gabriel blurted, only checking himself after the fact, "Sorry, it's just...damn. Fate sure is funny, isn't it?"

"You don't know the half of it," Cas stated in loaded agreement. 

Gabriel tried piecing together the rest, "So you guys met and hit if off. Tell me how one of you ended up in the hospice field and are sitting here today." 

Dean errantly raised his hand. "Of course my family lost their shit at first, certain I'd gone coo coo for cocoa puffs. After the people I'd lost, it was a calling I never expected, but felt drawn to. By rights it should've sent me spiraling into PTSD, and it's not without difficulty. But I've kept in contact with someone who's given me the tools to stay healthy upstairs, while helping others learn to say goodbye."

 _Gimme their number, kiddo._ "That's..incredible."

"Cas and I have applied for adoption through a foster care agency. It's something we've considered and discussed at length. Both of us are seeing the people who've helped us before, so we can be at our best to help these babies..for the duration, however long that is."

"Pardon my astonishment. I commend you both for overcoming your own battles, as well as signing on for Max and Alicia's. Your commitment is incredible. There's a lot to cover, but I imagine you're eager to meet them."

"You imagine right," Dean replied, appearing to temper his anxiety with a nervous smile. 

As he led Dean and Cas to Neverland West, he nervously prattled on. "They arrived here four months ago. Mom brought them in, presenting the same condition. If symptoms present, it's usually identified in adulthood and not infancy, so their case is pretty rare. With no further information to go on, we have to assume it's hereditary. They're often alert and enjoy interaction; to be honest they've melted everyone here. But every step forward they've achieved has been followed by three steps back. Statistically speaking, it doesn't make sense."

"What kind of heart defect is it?" Cas queried.

Gabriel was quick to give a simple explanation. "The babies’ aortas are too narrow, it blocks blood flow, and in their case it's backing up into their left ventricles. The extra work their hearts are doing causes high blood pressure."

Dean then asked, "And the treatments you've attempted?"

"We've done multiple catheterizations to widen their aortas. When they kept narrowing we put in stents, but the bizarre thing is the stents have disintegrated each time. There's no other means of keeping the vessel widened enough to take the stress off. Their hearts have weakened dramatically in the last few weeks. We've tried everything we can think of, but have reached the end of the line."

"Disintegrated? But _how_?" Dean wondered in disbelief. 

"It's beyond our understanding, almost as if their bodies are aggressively attacking the material. We've checked their antibodies, and nothing indicates they're experiencing an inflamed immune response. Nobody's system is strong enough to break down those stents. It's a mystery. But here we are."

Gabriel was trembling slightly from the emotional overload of this entire situation. Yet there existed enough happiness in him to calmly introduce the two fathers to their son and daughter. 

He coaxed Castiel a little closer to the isolettes, "This is Alica and Max Banes. Max is usually smiling. He thinks everything is funny, I swear his laugh is medicine for the soul. She's more quiet and _extremely_ inquisitive. Both love being held and listening to songs and stories."

"Sounds like you've spent a fair amount of time with them," Dean warmly commented. 

"I do. They're very special to me. Dean, I've never forgotten the depth of your capacity to love. It was evident when you were with Jim and whenever your family visited. You have this inner light. It probably sounds kinda weird, but it's true. And your finding Castiel is so profound. My own heart will rest easier knowing they'll be in your care."

He could see Dean wasn't expecting such an observation and compliment. The way Cas glowed next to him, every bit in agreement with his words, brought Gabriel even more assurance the twins would be in a loving home. "Would you like to hold them?"

Castiel looked like he might cry with both joy and heartache. Gabriel knew that feeling all too well. Dean's face was alight with wonder as he lifted little Alicia, careful not to disturb all the tubes and wires providing her with necessary comfort. He tucked her into his left arm, and sang her a few lines from a Pat Benatar song which obviously held deep significance for he and Castiel, based on how mushily they looked at each other.

_"Whatever we deny or embrace_

_For worse or for better_

_We belong, we belong together"_

As anticipated, she regarded him with intense speculation before gifting him with a brilliant smile. 

Gabriel's heart skipped a beat at the incredibly touching scene. "That was fast, she usually takes her sweet time breaking out that particular stunner. Dean, you've already got a fan."

Dean shrugged, but refused to tear his eyes off of her. "What can I say? I love babies. She's so beautiful.. _my brown eyed girl_.." he softly crooned at her.

He could see Castiel practically levitating in adorableness overload, whilst also desperate to hold Mr. Max. Gabriel easily maneuvered around the lines and respirator tubes to hand over the happy-go-lucky, beaming boy. Cas was less sure around him by comparison to Dean, but that made sense, and experience would soon iron all that out. Max was talkative, and definitely not shy with sticking his tongue out at Cas. 

"Yeah? That's not the story I heard," Cas issued to the little guy, and stuck his tongue out right back. Max grinned and squealed, letting out a raucous laugh which had the entire room chuckling in response. 

"I'm already in love," Cas whispered. 

"They've got the whole of Neverland wrapped around their fingers."

Max continued to laugh as he and Cas blew raspberries at each other. His 02 monitor alerted, and when Cas saw Max's skin pale his face morphed into instant worry. "What happened? What do I do?"

Gabe calmly advised, "Enjoy his laughter. Keep an eye on the numbers, we'll give you a list of ranges and what to do in each situation. But they shouldn't have to hold back their joy. On the contrary.." 

Dean added, "Remember Cas, quality, not quantity."

Gabriel could see Cas was genuinely trying to keep that in mind, but struggled with it nonetheless. He was so glad for Dean, his strength and ability to have healed from such hurt would not only help the babies, but aid Castiel in being the best father he could be as well. No doubt their emotional scars from childhood would make this situation doubly difficult, but he could feel their commitment and love for each other was iron.

Dean and Cas stayed for sometime, basking in the glow surrounding the two babies. To Gabriel, by late afternoon both Max and Alicia seemed equally as enchanted with Dean and Cas. Both fathers appeared wholly content when snuggling the worn out, napping babies. 

"Your hospice agency no doubt has a plethora of resources, but if you don't mind, I'd prefer doing home visits and check ups to minimize everyone's stress levels. Normally my team shares duties, but I want to personally oversee their care," Gabriel handed Cas his card.

"That's very generous of you," Cas thanked.

"Speaking of team, is your wife here today?" Dean politely inquired.

"No, um..she passed back in 1997," Gabriel regretfully informed.

"So young?" Dean murmured.

"Kali left surgery after your case, and was in the process of opening her own outpatient practice when diagnosed with cancer. She'd brushed off her fatigue as work related, but by the time she got a blood panel and imaging done, it was already too late."

Dean's face fell in genuine empathy for him. "I'm so sorry."

Gabriel nodded and to avoid further awkwardness, excused himself to gather paperwork for them. Once in the privacy of his office, he collapsed in his desk chair, and let the familiar wave of discomfort from old memories wash over him.

_~ **1995** ~ _

_Someone was in the hall causing a commotion. He was exhausted from emotional upheaval over the Novak case, and wished for anything that'd keep him from falling asleep. Yet when he recognized the bellowing, distraught voice, he immediately regretted welcoming a distraction, because he knew the heartache with which this kid had been bulldozed._

_With surprising strength from someone still recovering from open heart surgery, the fury of a teenage soul devastated by loss blasted through the meeting room door, screaming, “Who did this?! Who fucking did this?!”_

_Out of his mind with grief and rage, Dean was gunning for the cardiac team. Gabriel couldn't blame him at all. They'd just put his boyfriend's heart in him, which would fuck anybody up._

_"Which one of you did it?!” Dean yelled with tears welling in his eyes._

_God, this kid was an emotional corpse. He wanted to get on his knees and beg his forgiveness. A percentage of decisions physicians were forced to make were sometimes the equivalent of emotional murder._

_Gabriel allowed his tormented expression that was a mere echo of the pain he carried inside for Dean, to show. He hoped this kid could someday look back and remember how he and his wife too, struggled over this. “My wife, Dr. Kali.”_

_“Where is she?!” Dean demanded._

_“At home.”_

_"Oh that's great. That's just fucking great. Must be nice having the emotional capacity to play God, commit murder, then take a vacation!”_

_Narrowing his eyes at Dean, Gabriel took a deep breath. “That's a bold assumption I’ll let slide, given your emotional state. She’s on medical leave, this case has affected her more than you can imagine. She might not come back from it.”_

_Kali had taken the leave for counseling. The 'might not' was his personal, yet futile hope. But deep down, Gabriel knew her career as a surgeon was over. The guilt she'd been drowning in over the last few weeks was debilitating. She'd lost a significant amount of weight, and seemingly all passion for the career she'd worked years to achieve. Growing exceedingly worried, he'd pleaded with her to take time off and seek help._

_“Roché know about it too?” Dean seemed to look around, noting his colleague's absence._

_Jim had been Dr. Roché's patient. His partner, Hannah's little brother. Like Kali, he was taking necessary time off for his own well being in addition to Hannah's. The room's silence seemed to tell Dean everything. The boy's eyes were a scrolling marquee of his inner thoughts._

_'All of them had known. All of them conspired, committed murder. They all did this. They may not have held the saw opening his chest, but these fuckers plugged it in, giving it the juice. He hated them. Every last one of them.'_

_Dean was dragged from the room screaming, and grabbing at his chest. “I have to live with this the rest of my life, God Damn it! I'm alive because he's dead, and all of you did it!!!”_

_Dean's vision appeared to be blurring from tears, and his energy was visibly waning. He continued screaming in the middle of the hallway until his body had enough and collapsed. His father, who’d been giving him space in his extremely agitated state, wrapped his arms around him. At the contact, Dean screamed even harder, his throat was so overworked barely anything came out._

_“Leave me alone!!” was all he could say, as his father wrestled his fighting form into the room, putting him in bed. Gabriel had stealthily dosed him with a strong sedative. His screaming was actually beneficial, clearing his lungs of any fluid build up, which often occurred soon after this type of surgery. The sedative began taking effect almost immediately. His little friend Charlie was rummaging through the drawers in his room, in tears herself. Gabriel was on the verge of having her removed, when he saw her retrieve a blue shirt from the top drawer and gently place it beside his head._

_"It's Jimmy's. He's here with you, hold it and get some rest. We love you, Dean," she cried, miniature waterfalls streaming down her face._

_Gabriel watched as the remarkably intuitive young girl retreated out of the room and into the arms of that Cajun kiddo, also sniffling._

_~ **2018** ~_

After the intense emotions from such a clear memory bombarded him, Gabriel grabbed an ice cold bottle of water from his office mini fridge and downed it. He was gonna need something so much stronger tonight, and hoped Mick wouldn't mind if it came to picking him up off the floor. Rarely did he drink to excess, but in that moment he was writing himself a proverbial prescription to get shit faced. The strong emotions that the unexpected run in had kicked up ripped through him like a category five hurricane.

"How much time do you estimate they have?" Dean carefully prodded once he'd ventured back out on the floor after his self induced time out.

"It's tough to say with these things, as you know. A safe guess would be a few weeks to two months maybe. Once we get an all clear from the state that your home is good to go, I'll discharge them and bring them out."

"We've begun all the preparations I'm aware are necessary on our end, so hopefully it won't be long. I've also filed FMLA so there's three months at least I'll be home around the clock," Dean informed, reluctantly handing over Alicia back to Gabriel.

He was a natural, completely unperturbed by all the equipment and paraphernalia surrounding her. Gabriel noted Castiel was far more concerned over tugging something loose, or making a wrong move which would send Max into distress. He appreciated the guy’s caution, but knew he'd find surer footing soon.

"We can come back here though, every day to visit until they come home?" Cas hoped.

The guy regarded Gabe with a peculiar expression every time they made eye contact. He couldn’t explain it, but it wasn't anything concerning. More like someone trying incredibly hard to remember where they'd seen him before. 

Gabriel promised, "I encourage it. It'll make for an easier transition, the more familiar they are with you."

When both babies were back in their isolettes, Dean and Castiel shook Gabriel's hand. 

"It's nice seeing you again..thank you for giving Max and Alicia your best. I'm happy they've had someone like you in their corner," Dean sincerely professed.

"My pleasure, only wish I was delivering them to you under better circumstances. I feel relieved they're going to a couple with your qualifications and commitment."

There really wasn't much else to say without it growing more awkward than it already was.

They said goodbye, and pledged to come back the following day for more bonding time. 

Gabriel missed Kali so, so much, and longed for her wisdom. He wished she could see how well Dean and Castiel Winchester were, despite their traumas. Yet he also realized that the comfort he craved the most, was what he'd find in a matter of hours with the camaraderie and companionship of Mick Davies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How on earth did I end up pairing Gabe and Mick Davies? I wanted to find someone whose character would really balance him out and lift him up in his current state. The more I thought about him with Mick, the more I fell in love with them even though in canon they never met. Complete head canon, but so are a lot of SPN ships!
> 
> Mick's comment about wanting to meet Daniel Day Lewis is in reference to a British gay romance Daniel made back in 1986 titled, "My Beautiful Laundrette."
> 
> In the first story, Finding Neverland, Dean sang "We Belong Together" by Pat Benatar via karaoke when he and Jimmy were patients on Unit Neverland East(the teen side) and still holds sentimental significance for he and Castiel. He's also singing, "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison to Alicia. What can I say? The dude likes his music! But as you'll soon learn, so do Gabe and Mick!


	3. Chapter 3

"Cas, c'mere." Dean had yanked him away from veering left through the double doors and off unit. 

The head tilt he expected. But when Dean took a blindfold out of his bag, Cas was completely mystified. He miraculously found an adult wheelchair, or at least teen sized that Cas could fit in and had him plop his ass down. Walking by the common area, which still offered that wheelchair accessible Jolly Roger pirate ship and boasted the mermaidand clocktower murals, he turned down a hall and hung a quick right. Taking off Cas's blindfold, he heard his husband gasp at the sacred site his "brother," Jimmy had brought Dean on the very first day they met. 

The mezzanine was still there, with a few more hospital beds and the two story windows. The slow floor decline and romanesque railing wrapped around the empty space where they'd used to play catch with Sam and Jo called to both their souls.

Dean reminisced, "Remember that first day, you brought me here? You made me feel so much better, busting out that glove and ball."

Cas stood from the chair and gazed at the mezzanine in wonder. "It's strange feeling Jim's memories through Cas. It's all me, mine. And Castiel's. Ours. But certain things only Jim experienced will still cause pieces of me to feel separate."

Dean didn't learn until meeting Cas and learning of his _unique_ abilities, that he was actually the fallen angel, who fragmented upon his landing on earth. He'd chosen a meteor shower around the turn of the 20th century to cover his fall from Heaven. Jimmy had been his halo portion, while Cas contained the remainder of his grace. 

When reunited over an incredible series of events, it was the melding of his three identities. Jimmy, the dying boy who'd loved Dean so much he'd given him his heart in every way. Cas, the broken man who'd been rejected multiple times as a child by families who wouldn't accept his weird mojo, and was saved by Hannah's tireless work in pharmacology. And the angel he'd once been for billions of years before leaving his celestial family, ultimately finding a loving human one. 

"You need to talk to Marv?" Dean worried the trip down memory lane might've been too much. 

In his line of work, trips to his old unit were common. But for Cas, this was the first time he'd been back since "Jimmy" died. 

"Nothing that can't wait for next week's session."

That had Dean relieved and he pulled out a tear from his backpack. A pair of gloves and a ball. "Good. You up for some catch?"

Cas grinned widely and nodded. In the spirit of their old tradition, they proceeded to play and trash talk. 

"You were crazy about Barry Bonds from the Giants. I remember when Hannah had that sugar free cake made for your birthday," Dean remembered fondly.

"The black baseball with orange stitching! Do you remember the bed catching on fire from the Oreo and candle you snuck in here?" Cas exclaimed.

"How could I forget? It was the worst first kiss story ever! And the best," Dean slowed his pitching when recalling the incredibly tender moment when Jimmy finally, successfully kissed him for the first time. His heart was so damaged from the electrocution it couldn't even handle getting hot and heavy with his boyfriend without the damn heart monitor tattling on him.

He hadn't realized he'd been backing up to one of the beds against the window... _the_ bed against the window. Cas had closed the distance between them and in a heartbeat, kissed Dean with such tenderness he was taken back to that moment so long ago. It was as if Cas and Jimmy were remembering the precise kiss and gifting it back to Dean. Their lips were slow dancing and his heart actually skipped a beat. The muscle memory in their lips were so precise he was reliving that moment...sans Jimmy being shirtless and on top of him. 

Cas murmured against Dean’s lips, "If that heart monitor were still on your hip it'd be screaming by now. Not gonna lie, I've missed that reaction you once had to my flirtations."

"I still do. But your grace Jimmy had encasing his heart, _my_ heart, protects it so well from wear and tear you don't get the full effect," Dean daringly stated. 

"Oh, I get the _full_ effect," Cas said with his hand traveling below Dean's belt line.

Someone's vyocera went off as they rushed past the door to their "Blind Man's Bluff of yesteryear, and not a second too soon. 

"I'll show you some of that full effect later tonight," Dean promised with a wink, "but let's finish our trip down memory lane."

They packed up their gloves and ball, then headed downstairs to the atrium. It was a place which turned their happy-go-lucky moods blatantly somber, despite all the sun shining through the windows, upon the vast amount of greenery which hospital volunteers endeavored to maintain. Its purpose was only revealed when spotting the massive lattice which held far too many name bracelets. The space was created for children who'd lost friends and needed to mourn. 

The last time Jim had been in the atrium was when their group of Neverlanders had said goodbye to Garth, and hung his bracelet on the lattice. Zeke had put him on the top right corner with Mr. Fizzles. The lattice looked like a vast pattern of stars to Dean, so he'd placed Jim's bracelet on the second star to the right, next to Garth. They'd both welcomed kids to the Neverland unit, offering friendship, guidance, and love to those who understandably felt lost and afraid when admitted there. Putting Jim on the lattice and leaving him was the hardest thing Dean had ever had to do. 

"You put me here?" Cas wondered.

"Right next to Garth," Dean whispered back. Despite the numerous times he'd stopped in to pay his respects, for him this place was saturated in the deepest grief he'd ever known, and it would never not be difficult to be in this space. But he did it to honor Jim and their friends who'd lost their fight with various illnesses. 

"I didn't realize it then, but looking back, I think when you died is when I decided to work with kids and help them crossover. Loss like I went through leaves a mark that'll never go away. It tethers you and defines you. Guess it's my way of turning a nightmare into something I feel good about. Helping families say goodbye and letting their little souls go is important, Cas. But the transition, in its own way, is just as precious as the day they came into this world. It deserves to be witnessed, respected, and honored, as hard as it is for them and everyone who loves them." 

"I'm sorry I had to leave you for a while," Cas apologized with sincerity.

"I wouldn't change that time I had with Jim for anything. And I have him, you, right here," he said, placing his hand over his heart with reverence. "The small amount of your grace has kept this heart strong and healthy, well beyond all medical expectation. Can't ever regret that."

They stood there a few minutes longer and then departed. 

"Let's go tell our family who's coming home soon," Cas suggested with a wistful smile. 

He held Dean's hand out to their car, and the whole trip home they talked about how lucky they were to have found each other, to have a family who understood everything they'd been through, and were strong enough to support their decision with the twins and looked forward to loving them as much as they did.

Gabriel was in his office finishing up when his friend knocked on his door. Mick waltzed in sans the white coat and dapper three piece suit, which years ago had earned him the moniker Schmexy Bond, M.D. Now, an emotionally steamrolled Gabriel would have the pleasure and pain of getting smashed with a guy who'd changed into faded Levi's with hips that sure AF didn’t lie, and a comfy tee that simply said, "Choose Love." Gabe's head dropped to his desk.

"Aw, are they backing out? Complete twats, what?" Mick asked, assuming the worst from his overwhelmed demeanor.

Gabriel sighed and facepalmed, too tightly wound to delve into the conundrum just yet. As he shut off his computer and locked his office, Mick tried easing his obvious discomfort with a light joke and a gentle arm around his shoulder.

"Our Uber to the booze ball awaits.."

Their favorite spot was a little hole in the wall named Y. Lee Coyote's, mostly because it was the last place you'd expect to find wealthy doctors with discriminating tastes consuming spirits. They'd been out with coworkers at those types of posh haunts, and once in a blue moon was fine. But tonight Gabriel was in no mood for putting on airs, he just wanted to nurse a bottle with Mick and be listened to. Heck, if he was drunk enough he might even be so bold as to serenade the guy with some karaoke; wouldn't be the first time.

Gabriel had been given all the silent space needed on the way to the bar. Once there, he was quick to order. "Two bottles of Proper Twelve and a bucket of ice."

Mick added to their order, "Appetizer sampler and uh, keep the waters coming, thanks." 

Gabriel sat down by the enormous fireplace that was kept roaring all winter long at the bar.

"Promised I'd get you plastered angel, not six feet under." Mick placed a couple of waters on their table, buffering for a rough night.

The two bottles of Proper Twelve arrived and once Gabriel began feeling more confessional, out everything tumbled. Mick had never heard him speak of the case before, it'd been too overwhelming to share. Thankfully he didn't seem to hold it against Gabriel, and endeavored to match his buzz, high ball for high ball. Mostly Mick just listened, stunned by everything he heard, only interrupting when necessary to ask a question or two. By the time the whole story, as Gabriel knew it, was told, he just sat by fire gaping back at him. 

"I don't know what to say," Mick relayed.

"You don't have to say anything."

Mick appeared to have a drunken epiphany. "This could be a good thing."

"Pfft, how? I've failed the twins. I'm handing over said failure to Dean and his husband who likely wanted to adopt a child they could raise to adulthood, but due to Dean's career choice, got flagged for this one way road to Painsville."

Mick appeared speculative, then asked, "Did this Dean seem to still blame you?"

"No, on the contrary, he apologized for his behavior, and I quickly explained he had nothing to apologize for. His emotional state was so frail and understandable. He even inquired about Kali, and seemed genuinely sorry to hear about her."

"Sounds like he's grown up and gained a fair perspective. If Dean can forgive you and even thank you for your efforts with the twins, Gabriel, why can't you forgive yourself?"

_Because ever since that case, I've lost so much and haven't been able to pull up from the nose dive. I'm hurting and stuck with no idea how to break loose._

He just shook his head, having no idea how to move forward. 

"The only thing that makes sense right now is the karaoke set up calling our name."

Mick eye rolled him.

"C'mon, you always go first."

"You promise to think about what I said?"

"Yes. I've been thinking about it. And maybe that's the problem. Too much thinking, for tonight. Now c'mon, sing to me?"

"How can I resist such a honey-eyed dream boat?" Mick caved when his cheeks turned fire engine red.

Gabriel guffawed. "I'm a middle aged dingy at best."

Wagging a finger at him, Mick fired back as he got up, turning to the pint sized stage. "Well traveled Galleon."

Gabriel gave Mick a playful kick in the ass, then sat back, a little thrown by the turn in conversation. "That's uh...hefty vessel."

He stole Mick's arm chair by the fire, and eagerly awaited the rousing performance he always gave. Tonight he was apparently in a late 70's rock star mood, and selected an oldie but goodie by Cheap Trick. 

The music began, and it was recognizable from the get go. Mick shook his hips and ass in a comical way, there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell he'd do this anywhere else. As he sang, it felt as though he were looking directly into Gabriel's soul. 

_"I want you to want me_

_I need you to need me_

_I'd love you to love me_

_I'm beggin' you to beg me_

_I want you to want me_

_I need you to need me_

_I'd love you to love me_

_I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt_

_I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me_

_Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?_

_Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?_

_Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'_

_Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying"_

God damn this British jerk and his adorableness. If only he were actually singing to him! Gabriel loved when they came to this place, because they were more themselves with each other than anywhere else. He did want him. He did need him. And he absolutely did love him. But he couldn’t be certain Mick wasn't just being his wonderful, lovable self, or if he still carried some kind of torch for him. 

It was now his turn to sing, but the second he stood up, he realized the three whiskey sours he'd ordered and downed during Mick's song were swiftly kicking him in the ass. He was gonna be a one song donkey kong, er pony, whichever rhymed..he couldn't remember. Mick held him in his gaze for what seemed like an eternity, as he passed the mic over and sat down.

Gabriel flipped through the binders and binders of songs, found one that screamed his mood in the moment, and just went with it. 

_"When I awake, oh, her pillow_

_Lays alone on the sheets_

_The wind was relentless_

_Snatched her up like a thief_

_I sat up on my bedside_

_No more loving, no more grief_

_Just as sure as the sun rises_

_She went up, and took off on me_

_Well, I loved her like a fairy tale, I lost her like a dream_

_Pull up on the roadside there and I'll tell you what I mean_

_There things in life you can't control and things you can't unsee_

_But if you find real love, don't ever let her leave_

_Don't ever let her leave"_

He knew he was slurring the last few lines, and realized he was singing about Kali, but it felt cathartic. Like closing a chapter to move on to the next. He was too drunk to contemplate if that'd been a bad idea or not. The room was spinning. He was done. Next thing he knew, Mick was helping him into an Uber with a stern warning not to puke. 

He could hear and feel himself babbling about his bottle of proper twelve and how he had to take it home, it could take shotgun as long as the driver put a seat belt on it, cause it's not like the driver could get busted for an open container, it was _his_ drunk.

Mick dragged him out of the Uber, into his townhouse, and upstairs to bed. Tomorrow was the weekend; thankfully he wasn't on call. As Gabriel fell into bed, he saw his hands gripping the front of Mick's t-shirt, the one just saying _Choose Love._

"Why haven't we ever gotten together, Mick? But the window went squash..er, collapsed...huh?"

Those shining eyes, that smile. Mick was getting so close, was he going to finally kiss him? _Oh. Forehead boop_. Nice, too. And his hands were so warm on his face.

"Ask me when you're sober. _Please._ "

  


Gabriel awakened the next morning to the soulful tunes of Ella Fitzgerald, and the scent of fresh pumpkin spice pancakes. The music? One of Mick's favorites. The food? _His_ favorite. How did he get so lucky? Mick always stayed over in the downstairs spare bedroom after an evening at Y. Lee Coyote's. They rarely ever got close to this level of plastered though, and he felt like HELL. 

His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, the crust in its corners had a nasty film, and the trumpet in Ella's background was giving his brain a private, painful performance. _Shit_. But sitting on his nightstand were four Aleve tablets, his 1980's O.G. 7-Eleven Big Gulp brimming with ice water, and a note kindly inviting him to, _"Join me for a hangover breakfast?"_

He hoisted himself out of bed and fell right back down on it. The pressure headache was _insane_. A flood of memories from the night before made their cruel assault.

_"This could be a good thing."_

_"Gabriel, why can't you forgive yourself?"_

_"I want you to want me_

_I need you to need me_

_I'd love you to love me"_

_"Well traveled Galleon."_

_"But if you find real love, don't ever let her leave_

_Don't ever let her leave"_

_The forehead boop and warm hands-_ oh my God, did I do something stupid? Did he? 

He whirled around too fast and felt ill when taking in the crumpled sheets of his bed, the side Kali had slept on which normally stayed perfectly straightened. _Oh shit_. But his clothes were still on. If anything had happened, it couldn't have been much. How cruel would it have been, to have kissed such a wonderful face and remember nothing of it? He couldn't be sure what he said or did; perhaps there'd be cues in Mick's behavior. The guy was making breakfast so he couldn't have fucked up that badly...unless _Mick_ did something he considered a fuck up. 

Stewing on it wasn't going to bring about the much needed recall, so he pounded down the water with a healthy dose of headache medicine, and practically crawled to the bathroom for a shower. After putting on a fresh pair of lazy day 501's and a shirt, he carefully maneuvered down the stairs to quite literally face the music.

Coming around the corner to the kitchen, Gabe was met with a well groomed, heartbreakingly handsome gent blessing him with a warm smile and a song.

_"I love you for sentimental reasons_

_I hope you do believe me_

_I'll give you my heart_

_I love you and you alone were meant for me_

_Please give your loving heart to me_

_And say we'll never part_

_I think of you every morning_

_Dream of you every night_

_Darling, I'm never lonely_

_Whenever you are in sight_

_I love you for sentimental reasons_

_I hope you do believe me_

_I've given you my heart_

_I love you for sentimental reasons_

_I hope you do believe me_

_I've given you my heart"_

Ella had always held a fascination for Mick, just as Gabriel adored Sam Cooke. He knew every word to every published song written and performed by the majestic, ebony siren. A plate with pancakes drenched in butter and syrup was slid over to his side of the island. Then a cup of piping hot fresh coffee was hand delivered, along with a cozy side hug. All seemed right in the world, and Gabriel felt a measure of peace that hadn't existed in his heart for quite some time. It was still a ways off from where he knew it could be, but for now he'd take what he could. Even if he suddenly woke up and it was all just a dream.

"How are you feeling? Think you purged a demon or two last night," Mick stated.

"I didn’t say some..shit, did I?" Gabriel cautiously prompted. 

"You said plenty of shit. Remind me, to which part you're currently referring?" 

"I'd rather not say, in case it was a dream and I haven't really said it." 

"A dream, eh? Do tell," Mick's eyes danced mischievously.

"Did I go on about Kali, again? I feel like I did. Sorry."

"What for? I love hearing about her. She made you really happy. Sounds like an amazing woman."

God how Gabriel loved this guy. He hugged him whilst popping a bite of pancake in his mouth. "You're a culinary orgasm donor, you know that?" 

Throwing his hands upwards in supplication, Mick feigned offense. "And here I thought I was a donor of the plain old garden variety orgasm. Who knew? At long last, now that I know where my true calling lies, I can give up a life of satisfying sex."

Gabriel choked, "Now hold on there, let's not do anything rash. No sense in depriving the masses of a good old fashioned orgasm."

"Masses? What is it you imagine I do all day? Generously give to those lined up outside my front door?"

"Fine, whittle it down. Tell them you've moved."

"Really, to where?" Mick seemed intensely curious, and leaned on the counter a smidge closer to him.

Gabe continued coughing, because his hungover brain was unable to snark his way out of this conversation he'd foolishly stepped in. To ensure a swift change in topic, he tossed back some scalding coffee and then launched himself at the fridge for some O.J. 

He side eyed Mick, who was a little pink in the cheeks and laughing at him. The rest of the day was spent watching movies and recovering from the previous night's frivolities. When waving goodbye to Mick later in the afternoon, he felt empty and imagined a situation where Mick didn't have to leave for home, because his home was with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song's in this chapter are:  
> "I Want You to Want Me" by Cheap Trick  
> "Cautionary Fairytale" by Dick Jr. & The Volunteers(HOW COULD I NOT?!)  
> "I Love You for Sentimental Reasons" by Ella Fitzgerald


	4. Chapter 4

The day finally came when Max and Alicia were brought home via medical transport. As the ambulance pulled into their driveway, Dean was putting the finishing touches on their room when hearing Cas excitedly announce their arrival.

"Dean! It's time!" Cas's voice vibrated with emotion and Dean's heart did a little squeeze. 

For better or worse, their son and daughter were now home. All Dean wanted to do was hold them tight and never let them go. He knew Cas wanted to do the same. 

The hospice agency pulled right in behind the ambulance, hauling all the vital equipment the babies would need until...Dean took a deep breath, steeled himself, and went downstairs. This was a happy occasion, and he wanted to make sure they were welcomed with love in their hearts on this day, and as little sorrow as could be managed. 

Cas had grabbed his hand when walking out to their driveway, he squeezed it now, in need of his angel's grounding touch. The double doors opened, and out popped Dr. Speight along with two EMTs, and another man Dean didn't recognize. 

"Dean. Cas. How's it going? This is Dr. Davies, he's head of Neurology, figured he'd tag along. I have a couple special deliveries who can't wait to see you."

He knew it was odd to have a neurologist there, but was so enthralled with the twins he brushed it off. The EMTs carefully brought out the twins in their portable N.I.C.U. beds, and just the sight of them, here, in their home melted Dean's heart. Alicia grinned widely at him, and so did Max. 

When getting them inside and upstairs in their room, it was a flurry of activity as the hospice agency people, the EMTs, the doctors, and foster care/adoption agency social workers had papers and documents to sign. It took nearly an hour to get all their equipment in and set up. Then another hour to sign everything. By the time the two hour mark hit, Dean could see Cas was exhausted, but like him, infinitely happy the twins were _home_. By the time all but the doctors had left, Balthazar and Hannah ventured over to meet Max and Alicia. The family would be introduced in stages, as was recommended for their immuno-compromised conditions.

Gabe greeted, "Balthazar, nice to see you again. How are ya? Jeez, Hannah you haven't aged a day." 

"Good heavens, neither have you!" Balthazar sang. 

Hannah appeared delighted to see him, despite the difficult nature of their parting which involved Dean's transplant. He hugged Gabriel tightly. "You look well Gabriel, it's great to see you."

"This my friend, Mick Davies, head of Pediatric Neurology." 

All shook hands and pleasantries were exchanged. 

"How's life out here in the slow lane these days?" Gabriel asked. 

Dean and Cas were happy to listen to them catch up, and contented themselves with holding Max and Alicia in their brand new matching rocking chairs. 

"Not as slow as one might think, but it feels good. I'm happy. Hannah and I are getting married next month."

"Well congratulations! That's great!" Gabriel sounded genuinely pleased at the news.

"We'd love it if you came, both of you, please," Balthazar invited. 

Dean just about choked, having completely forgotten about their upcoming event, what with the whirlwind situation with the twins. "Oh my God, Balthazar, I can't believe it slipped my mind. We've got to find someone to watch these two for the evening. I can make a few calls to the hospice agency."

"No need," Dr. Davies assured, enjoying Max gripping his finger, "Gabriel and I would be happy to watch them. All we ever do on Saturday nights is karaoke at Y. Lee Coyotes downtown anyways. It'll be good to mix things up a bit."

"Really? Are you guys sure?" Cas verified, looking between Mick and Gabriel, "Dean's a groomsman and I'm giving Hannah away.."

Dean couldn't be certain, but he thought he caught an air of discomfort or hesitation from Gabriel. It might've been Balthazar's invitation to him and Mick, it did feel like he'd offered on the assumption they were a couple. They seemed rather close; even though Gabriel had been married to Kali, Dean knew from his own experiences that assumptions meant nothing.

Gabriel assured, "Umm, yep. We can cover you guys, you don't want to miss out on that."

"Thank you, it'd be just for the ceremony, which is next door. Then we can come right back here and let you guys head over for some grub and drinks," Dean explained.

"Sounds perfect," Mick smiled. 

Dean couldn't believe he'd forgotten about their wedding, but he felt so much better knowing the babies would be in the care of doctors for the short time they were needed.

"Thank you both. Really, we appreciate it."

"It's no trouble at all, Dean," Gabriel assured. 

Once they were completely briefed on the twins and they'd asked every question known to mankind, the two doctors shook hands with everyone and hopped in an Uber back to the city. Dean knew they had a long night ahead of them. Many long nights ahead of them, but not enough. 

Cas was cuddling Alicia close and humming the Pat Benatar song to her. Max had fallen asleep in Dean's arms, and Alicia began to reach for her brother and fuss. In this room, which had once belonged to Hannah and Jimmy, before their parents died, and to Cas after being adopted by Hannah and Balthazar, Dean sang soothing lyrics to Alicia.

_"Whatever we deny or embrace_

_For worse or for better,_

_We belong, we belong together."_

In a matter of moments, she held her brother's hand and dozed off, while Dean and Cas held each other. The room was one each father had toiled away on for hours, it looked nothing like the Neverland depicted in the Disney film. Yet, it depicted visions of the very real realm which had been seared into their memories by its creator, the Crossroads Guardian. Three years earlier, it was revealed Jim had made an accord with this Guardian, to ensure Dean's survival. The deal, although pure in its intent, was still an affront to God, and therefore a sentencing was required. This Crossroads Guardian created Imperium Innocentia, Realm of the Innocents, where young souls attempting to deal for the life of a loved one could carry out their sentence. 

It was a place altogether out of time, and its purpose was to heal these brave souls who would've otherwise sold their souls to temptor demons, and been swindled out of the very salvation for which they desperately sought. As a show of good faith, the Guardian had gifted Dean and Cas a glimpse of the realm in which Jim had spent twenty earth years. 

The beautiful tree painted in the second story room’s A frame corner glowed with the light of both soul wisps and fireflies. They kept a watchful eye on two brilliant souls not long for this world, ready to usher them into the next. 

"That went rather well, Dean and Castiel seem like a couple of swell guys. And it was nice to finally meet Dr. Roché after everything I'd heard of him," Mick rambled on the Uber ride back to the city, "you're awfully quiet."

Gabriel was pretty irked that Mick had just volunteered them to babysit for the night of the wedding. "Do me a favor and ask before volunteering me for stuff like this, alright?"

"C'mon Gabe, I know how many hours off the clock you've spent with those babies, you're telling me _now_ you mind?" Mick asked with incredulity.

"Of course I want to spend time with them, they aren't the issue! What happened with Dean so long ago, it doesn't just go away. He's moved on, which is a relief. But I'd appreciate being in charge of my own social calendar, if ya don't mind."

Gabriel knew he'd just snapped at Mick. In the entire history of their friendship he'd never done that and even though he hadn't quite yet processed why he'd reacted so swiftly, he found himself feeling immediately repentant. He turned to him, placed his hand on Mick's, and looked him in the eye with what he hoped was seen as sincere regret. "I'm sorry. Haven't been sleeping well. 

Flipping his hands over in mild supplication, Mick said, "Alright, fine. But Dean seems quite pleased to have reconnected with you. And I overheard Hannah saying to Castiel how lucky for the twins, that they're under your care."

Mick's words were kind and delivered with sincerity. But Gabriel was unable to pull himself out of his funk. The car pulled into his driveway, then he paid the driver and was left with Mick in his driveway standing beside his car. "You know about Dean and Jim, but there's more I haven't told you."

Mick made himself completely available to listen. "I'm all ears, mate."

Gabriel invited him in for a coffee and revealed another piece of the difficult tale. 

"Hannah, Jim, Kali, and I spoke often during the matching process for Dean's transplant. Kali knew how devastating it would be for Hannah especially. But she also recognized a strength in him not often seen. He had the love and support of Balthazar, who lost a baby brother to S.I.D.S in his youth. Kali knew how much Hannah had grown to love Dean and his family. She proposed allowing them in the operating room, to say goodbye to Jim and to ensure his heart was truly at home with Dean."

"Why on Earth would you allow her to do that? That breaks so many rules and laws of ethics…" Mick was utterly floored.

"I know. But we also knew Balthazar and Hannah well enough that if they said yes, they could handle it. Hannah greatly appreciated the offer and took us up on it."

"Jesus, I can't believe this. What both families have been through. And your involvement..they really were lucky to have you. But Gabe, have you ever talked to someone about this?"

Nonchalantly he issued, "Sure, to Kali. To you."

An expression of profound empathy and understanding spread across Mick's face. "You carry such heavy burdens, my friend. I see how painful they are, how they're affecting you."

Gabriel's reaction must've been severe, because Mick implored him to consider a few options. "Not your work performance. You're one of the best doctors I've had the privilege of working with and calling my friend. But in here," he touched his chest, "I wish I were more qualified in the field but Gabriel, please, talk with someone about this. There's no shame in it."

Gabe didn't want to talk to someone. He was stubborn and besides, just talking to Mick about it helped. A little. 

Mick spoke again, more quietly. "You should know...I have someone…"

This was news to Gabriel, and honestly felt like a slap in the face. Sure he'd just reiterated the word 'friend' a few times which stung, but at least they'd never kept a love interest from each other..or on his part, a lack thereof, or so he'd thought. Trying to cover his disappointment at said window slamming shut, and hurt over Mick not sharing the news, he may've been a little too enthusiastic in his reaction.

"Oh I had no idea, that's uh..good to hear."

He was unbelievably relieved to be saved by a random phone call and avoid more painfully awkward conversation with Mick. Gabriel had not physically exerted himself that day, but sure as hell felt like he had. In fact despite the coffee, he had to pause a number of times with the nurse, who'd called regarding a patient, to yawn. It hadn't been some performance to get rid of Mick, who silently gestured with his hands he was gonna shove off and rinsed the coffee mug before slinking out the door. But he couldn’t help the relief at his sudden solitude when hanging up with the nurse. 

Gabriel was a storm inside, surrounded by people who by all accounts seemed well, and had moved forward from their traumas which stemmed from the emotionally cataclysmic actions he'd taken years ago to save a life. He knew he'd made the right choices, but wished he knew what their secret was. Grateful it was dark outside, he didn't even look at the clock, he just knew his bed was upstairs and he wanted to be in it, buried under the covers and enjoying the blissful nothingness of sleep.

  


Over the next few weeks, Gabriel was seemingly buried alive with work. He'd taken on two new medication trials which required an enormous amount of documentation. There'd also been a surge in the usual ebb and flow of patients admitted onto unit Neverland, which also kept him lingering long past his normal hours. He brought Mick coffee a few times, so as not to appear suspiciously distant. 

Gabriel enjoyed the weekly visits out to Sentinel Orchards, run by Mr. & Mr. Winchester. They'd plied him with all manner of honey and preserves, not to mention barrels of fresh fruit, which he'd begun sharing with his neighbors as well as leaving brimming bowls in the unit break room. For the most part, Dean and Castiel appeared to be managing the twins’ declining conditions with powerful strength and resolve. He'd received a few notifications of difficult rhythms, two of which he'd handled himself over the phone. 

After one situation had resolved and calmed, Dean shared a piece of significant-to-them information. 

"We filed for adoption right away. It's a long shot they'll be awarded to us before they pass, but we want to try."

"I really hope so, you and your husband are everything they deserve. Dean, I'm thankful they have you."

Gabe meant every word, but was hurting so much over the fact that fate had brought Dean back into his life, only for him to have delivered yet another grievous loss. He couldn't understand why some patients seemed to flourish under his care and others, it was like trying to catch smoke with his bare hands. 

In those moments, when he felt the very life of a patient slipping through his fingers, it was as if he were losing part of himself along with them. He worked tirelessly to prevent their loss of course, and logically his brain told him no doctor, ever, had a one hundred percent success rate. And yet his days, despite the time of year approaching the peak of summer, seemed to increasingly dim. 

Not only that, the shadows he used to assume were only in his mind, or see out of the corner of his eye, were increasing in presence. He was beginning to question his sanity; they appeared to have an almost greenish glow around the edges, and usually proceeded the man with the suit he assumed was a chaplain. 

"Doctor, why don't yae take a day off. Or maybe the weekend? Yer working yourself to the bone," Rowena observed one night while he was seeing to a four year old girl with a severe heart murmur.

"I have a whole weekend off in two weeks. You remember Dr. Roché from several years back?"

"Aye, the best metabolic specialist I've ever known."

"That's him. He's getting married out at his home in Lebanon. He lives next door to Dean Winchester and his husband, who have the Banes twins."

"I often visit out that way. Been meaning to ask yae, if you'd consider adding me to the on call list. I happen to know the family, I don't live far, and would be more than happy to assist, should they need it," she cautiously requested. 

"Kind of coincidence. Sure, I appreciate that. Thank you," he replied with sincerity. 

The four year old girl's monitors alerted she was going into Atrial fibrillation. It was a dangerous rhythm, and her little heart had been wearing out quickly as of late. She had one big artery instead of it splitting into two, and already had one open heart surgery before reaching six months old. After the last ablation to try and correct the abnormal rhythm, she'd needed admission for her pale blue pallor. 

Gabriel had stayed on late into the evening because she'd needed an extra dose of beta blockers. That clearly wasn't working, so he swiftly asked Rowena for the equipment, which she miraculously and intuitively had already been bringing in. 

He'd already had the little girl’s shirt open. "Go ahead and place the electrodes on her chest while I rev this up."

Rowena was ready to go the second the machine beeped and he began performing the cardioversion, calculated light shocks to her frail heart in an effort to restore a sinus rhythm. It took a few passes, but the neon green flowing in a steady PQRST formation was a welcome relief. 

He'd just avoided another catastrophe, and felt like he would have a heart attack himself if he hadn't been able to bring her rhythm back. He didn't know why he seemed to have more self confidence with Rowena around. She seemed as if in possession of an all-knowing ethereal glow about her that he found beguiling, but also maddeningly familiar. _Nevertheless,_ he was extremely grateful for it. 

After charting the occurrence, he looked at his watch and saw it was past eleven pm. He could at least admit to himself that he really was in need of sleep. On his way towards the unit's exit, he walked past Mick's office door and to his surprise, the light was on. Mick was far more skilled at keeping regular hours than Gabriel, but of course now and then there were emergencies of the neurological nature. He lightly knocked on the door and heard soft shuffling in the room, before recognizing a tense, "Come in!" from Mick.

Upon entering, he saw Mick pawing around his desk for something in particular, and when looking up to meet his gaze, his eyes were red and wet with tears. 

"Mick, everybody okay?" knowing full well everything was obviously not okay. 

"Um..no. Just lost Auggie." He grabbed a box of tissues.

Gabriel dropped his things on the desk, pulled a chair up beside Mick's and said, "Tell me what happened."

"We'd been treating him for the type two ceroid lipofuscinoses, he'd been reacting well. We'd had every reason to believe he'd skate through to adulthood with minimal complications."

But this morning his cognitive function just stopped, like his battery ran out. His motor skills slowed, massive seizure hit. At least there's that. But his poor father…"

Gabriel took his hand and let him ramble on. Some doctors possessed greater skill at compartmentalizing than he and Mick did. Sometimes he wished he could be more like that, but also feared if he was, would it lessen the fierce love and devotion he had for his patients? If so, he and Mick were just fine, occasional blubbering messes and all. They weren't in this for the money, but the smile in a child's face who hugs them, and walks off the unit feeling better. The tears they saved from spilling down parents and other loved ones faces. He and Mick did it because they were driven to mend and save. 

When it seemed as if Mick had finished railing about the tremendous loss, Gabriel pulled him into a warm hug. One which pained Gabriel to give, because apparently he'd waited too long to voice how he felt about Mick. He longed to hold his face and kiss his tears away, hold him close until all his sorrow seeped out and only happy memories remained. 

Yet that task now belonged to someone who wasn't afraid to speak up, who didn't suffer from cripplingly low self worth, and who wasn't afraid of rejection from the man who'd stood by him for almost two decades through thick and thin. All he could offer Mick was his enduring friendship, such that it was, and hope that the ensuing heartbreak from yet another of his failures wouldn't be the straw that broke the camel's back. He hoped to soon be able to stomach asking Mick about this lucky new guy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER:  
> It would be incredibly irresponsible of me not to mention that allowing Balthazar and Hannah into the operating room under any circumstances would never happen. In the original story I wrote Hannah confessing to Dean that he'd witnessed the surgery for the purpose of reassuring him that Jim wasn't alone when he died, but he also needed to know that's Jim's heart was successfully working within Dean. Yet it definitely wouldn't happen in real life.


	5. Chapter 5

A few weeks later, the day of the wedding had arrived. Dean and Cas insisted Mick and Gabriel spend the night, since the entire family was there and wanted to say hi to Gabriel. Not to mention they were all so thankful for the help with Max and Alicia, they wanted to ensure that they had so much fun, driving home that night wouldn't be a concern. 

Gabriel and Mick took a little cajoling, but inevitably responded with a yes. Until Dean sheepishly showed them the guest room which had once belonged to Eileen, before meeting Sam. 

"Hate to sound like a predictable rom com, but there's only one bed. _In this room_. The family room couch is awesome though, but we also have a really good bed upstairs in the twins’ room too. It's whatever you're okay with," Dean ensured. 

Gabriel was a little nervous, but Mick piped right up with assurances that the sleeping arrangement in the guest bedroom was fine. 

"Been to enough medical conferences and shared the hotel room, we're fine," he said, putting Dean and Cas at ease. 

Dean seemed to be a bit more relaxed than usual while sipping on scotch, but by no means to excess, when delivering them each a tumbler full of scotch, which Mick enthusiastically accepted. Gabe sat in the corner chair already dressed for the occasion, sipping on his own while Mick got dressed. The way he was eyeballing him, made him a tad nervous. So he took a few large swigs to catch up. 

He'd flopped on the bed and had been lounging for a while, his eyes were closed and his tie was still undone, when a knock on the bedroom door pulled him from a quiet moment's reverie. Gabriel felt his head swim a little, and decided to cool it with the scotch for the night. 

Balthazar greeted them warmly. "I'm glad you made it. You'll come over to the party as soon as someone from the family relieves you, right?"

"Looking forward to it. Thanks Balt," Gabriel conveyed their enthusiasm while opening the door wider. 

"You both look splendid!" Balthazar exclaimed, "you're an absolutely dashing couple in those tuxes."

Before Gabe could correct him, Mick volunteered a hearty 'thank you.'

Balthazar flitted around to other parts of Dean and Castiel's beautiful pole barn home and left them to their awkwardness. Gabriel whirled around, giving him a semi serious eye full. 

"Been too busy lately. I really am sorry, been meaning to ask about your new would-be plus one. Spill the deets, am I gonna have to threaten him?" Gabriel put on a brave face, but was hurting inside so much it was hard to breathe. He knew the only convincing enthusiasm for the situation would be induced by a public façade of the matrimonial variety. Nobody wanted to start shit at a respectable wedding. And yet the look of confusion on Mick's face had him wondering if they'd already broken up before they'd really begun.

"When did I start dating someone?" Mick really wanted to know.

"You tell me, you're the one who said you 'have someone' a few weeks back..when I snapped at you. So what's he like? Anyone I know?"

Mick paused, and honest to God looked to be struggling with something. Then his eyes widened to the size of saucers before quieting with suspicious calm. "You've really worked yourself into exhaustion, haven't you?" 

Sighing, Gabriel admitted, "Yeah Mick, I have. Thinking about taking some time off after the twins..I don't want to, but I'm afraid if I don't, might not have the stomach for it much longer."

"Gabe, I asked you to talk to someone about it, even said I knew someone."

"No, you said you _had_ someone. You kinda implied that 'someone' _is_ who you talk to. There's a difference."

"Is this why you've ghosted yourself the last few weeks? Don't even _think_ those two coffee deliveries threw me off the scent of your misery for a second. I know you, sometimes better than you know yourself."

Gabriel wasn't prepared to answer that. He didn't want to lie, but he didn't wanna have the "If I'd have only pulled my head outta my bisexual ass sooner" convo either. Not when they had hours of babysitting and needing to smile at everyone ahead of them.

"Gabe, you're such a brilliant doctor. But you can be so fucking daft sometimes, ya know that?"

Gabriel was thoroughly confused at this point, and too damn soul weary and emotionally fucked, to try mentally disentangling this probably very simple situation, that just seemed like a nightmare knot of Christmas lights at the moment. 

"Spell it out for me then!" he whisper shouted, shakily running his hands through his hair, "because I'm really, really tired, and don't have the energy to pretend to be happy for you and some mystery guy right now."

Mick stepped closer to Gabriel and rubbed his shoulders in a calming gesture. "When I said I had someone, I meant my therapist. Someone helping me keep my head in the game when losing patients really wears on me. I told you this because there's nothing wrong with admitting you need help. Staying in this field can really crush you if you let it. But if I did have someone, that someone would be you. For me, it always has been."

Gabriel was absolutely stunned. So the window hadn't closed. He'd just worn his battery down so low he'd misunderstood. Right then, Gabriel could cry. Hell, he knew he wanted to, but instead, his attention was drawn to the way Mick's left hand held his cheek and his right slid around his waist, bringing him into a melt worthy hug before kissing him, with a deep yearning which called to Gabriel at his very core. 

His lips were soft and sweet with a hint of Highland scotch, which Gabriel didn't mind in the slightest. Mick's tongue gently nudged his lips apart, then worshipped his mouth as if in prayer. His kiss told Gabe how very special he was, how cherished and worthy of love he was. The hand upon his cheek casually smoothed back through his silken hair, and settled at the base of his neck. The one pressing against the small of his back began making its way down to-

"Guys, we're heading next door, they're in their cribs. We'll be back in about an hour, hopefully. Thank you again for watching them!" Dean softly called as they headed out the front door. 

But it wasn't softly enough, because a shrill cry immediately followed their departure. Gabriel did _not_ want to stop kissing Mick, it felt too good. He needed his kiss like he needed air. But Alicia's trembling wails would wake her brother, and both needed all the rest they could get. 

"As much..as I do..not want to..stop...Dr. Davies..I believe my..patient..is calling…"

Mick rested his forehead against Gabe's and murmured, "C'mon, let's see to her then."

Alicia just needed a simple diaper change, and fell back asleep quickly in Mick's arms. Gabe dragged the other rocking chair over beside him so they could be schmoopy and hold hands. He felt all tingly watching Mick’s adoring expression at Alicia's snores. Gabe hadn't the heart to explain to Mick when he'd lightly commented on it that it was the beginning of pulmonary edema, and not actual snoring. 

Just before the one hour mark, they were surprised by Ellen and John floating up the stairs to relieve them. 

"Good to see you, Doc. How've you been?" a well aged John happily asked while offering his hand. 

While shaking it, Gabe replied with a genuine enthusiasm he'd long been missing. "Still fighting the good fight. This is Mick, head of Neurology, and uh...my plus one. "

John and Ellen both pleasantly greeted Mick and asked a few perfunctory questions about the twins, which lended to them obviously having been very well educated about their needs by Dean and Cas. Confident they were in good hands, they walked next door to join the fray.

Greeting them at the front door with a twinkle in her eyes was Charlie. Gabe remembered her as the bubbly redheaded little sister of the Neverlanders, who never ceased to provide quick witted love and support. 

"Dr. Speight! Come on in, it's so great to see you!" She sang, with a two year old girl on her hip.

"Likewise! You're all grown up! Who's this angel?"

She proudly introduced as Jo floated over beside her, "This is our daughter, Cara. You remember Dean's sister Jo, also my wife."

Gabe introduced Mick, and Jo led them through the beautiful craftsman style home, and outside. They both took in the gargantuan space converted into a stellar wedding venue. The large pool boasted a beautiful, rocky waterfall with a pale glow emanating from behind. The rest of the backyard featured stunning multi level sloped landscaping, with each level being half an acre at least. 

Thousands of patio lights provided illumination upon the second tier, where all the dinner tables had doubled as seats for the ceremony. The bottom tier hosted the large dance floor where wedding guests of the juvenile variety whirled and twirled in all their finery, while parents finished dinner, chatting away with friends and family.

Two prime rib specials were brought to them, as well as the single highball of scotch they'd ordered, having decided to go light that evening. The food was divine. Gabriel realized it'd been far too long since he'd indulged in quality cuisine, spirits, and all around fun. Of course, he'd be lying if he said a major factor in his high spirits wasn't the dashing neurologist beside him, for whom he'd pined long enough. They conversed with acquaintances in the medical community, meeting some they'd only known by reputation. 

Later, when the evening shifted from full bellies onto burning some calories on the dance floor, Gabriel snagged Charlie and inquired about Dean's little brother, Sam. She quickly pointed him out across the dance floor, dancing with her daughter Cara and a beautiful brunette woman who appeared to be in her third trimester of pregnancy. They were animatedly signing back and forth, laughing to the point of tears as they corrected Cara with a sign that looked like she'd unwittingly butchered into something offensive.

"Holy crap! What the hell’d they feed that kid? He's a damn moose!" Gabriel exclaimed.

"Right? Hard to believe he turned out like that on a vegan diet, but here we are. That's his wife Eileen, she's due next month."

Gabriel was pleased the family had thrived as it had over the years. It was an honest to God miracle that Dean hadn't needed another transplant; Jimmy's heart had lasted nearly three times the anticipated expectancy. He wanted to ask what flavor kool-aid he'd been drinking. As the night wore on, Mick managed to coax him onto the dance floor, then Charlie cut in for some jitterbug hijinx.

He even got a dance with Balthazar, who was thrilled he and Mick were able to enjoy in their momentous celebration. Gabriel's feet were killing him; in hindsight, he should've worn a pair of dress shoes he didn't typically wear at work. Yet everyone seemed to be laissez-faire when it came down to it, and many were going barefoot both on and off the dance floor.

The sound of an electric guitar cut through the DJ's tracks, and all turned their eyes to the stage where Dean stood, tinkering with some tunes, and was all smiles for Cas. Gabriel had no idea the guy could play or sing, but when Mick spun him around to the soft grass and made him kick off his shoes for comfort, a recognizable tune came from Dean's guitar, and Mick pulled him in close, swaying to the rhythm.

_"I found a love for me_

_Darling, just dive right in_

_And follow my lead_

_Well, I found a guy, beautiful and sweet_

_I never knew you were the someone waiting for me"_

Mick sang along to the popular song as if the words were meant for him alone. It was rendering him a pile of goo.

_"Cause we were just kids when we fell in love_

_Not knowing what it was_

_I will not give you up this time_

_Darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own_

_And in your eyes, you're holding mine"_

When glancing up at the stage, the stars in Dean's eyes for Cas took him back to the days when he'd looked at Jim in the same way. He felt so glad that he could find that same spark again, ironic though it was, with Cas. 

_"Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms_

_Barefoot on the grass, we're listenin' to our favorite song_

_When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath_

_But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight"_

_"Well, I found a man, stronger than anyone I know_

_He shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share his home_

_I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets.."_

Listening to Mick and Dean both sing, understanding the nature of the love in both their hearts, Gabriel thought his own might burst in happiness. He couldn't resist leaning in to brush a kiss against Mick's cheek. Feeling a hand suddenly holding the back of his neck, keeping him close, he murmured in his ear, "You haven't let yourself feel this good in forever Gabe. It's beautiful to see."

"Like what?" Gabe was kind of shocked, and discombobulated at the compliment.

"Happy," Mick smiled and rested his forehead against his. 

  


".. _Darling, just hold my hand_

_Be my mine, I'll be yours_

_I see my future in your eyes"_

"Oh..guess I've got you to thank for that."

Mick lovingly smirked, "Likewise, mate."

"What did you mean by _always has been_?"

"Exactly what you think it means. I'm demi, and you're amazing. It was worth it."

"Wait, this whole time you've never dated anyone? Slept with anyone?" Gabe almost shrieked.

"I gave dating an honest go a couple of times. Never made it to anything physical, nobody instilled quite the same _spark_ as I feel when I'm with you."

"I attacked you _once_ with a defibrillator after a few too many at the Christmas party, _years ago_ I might add, and you'll never let me live it down will you?" Gabriel remembered in embarrassment.

Mick chuckled and laid one on him in front of everyone. He tensed at first, but remembered where they were, and let himself relax into the blissful moment. 

_"When I saw you in that tux, looking so beautiful_

_I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight_

_I have faith in what I see_

_Now I know I have met an angel in person_

_And he looks perfect_

_No, I don't deserve this_

_You look perfect tonight"_

"Never."

"I want that defibrillator back..we could've been together fifteen years ago, at least!"

"You weren't ready then."

Gabe shrugged. "I thought about it."

"I knew eventually you'd cave to my old world charms."

"If by old world you mean IrnBru and the Sex Pistols..you were drunk, and showed me your mohawk pics."

He paled for a moment and Gabriel laughed. 

"Had to have been properly pissed to show you those," Mick bemoaned, as his face turned a gorgeous shade of fuschia.

"Punk serial killer was quite a fetching look."

"Fancy it, do you?"

Gabe delivered a few quick smooches and mumbled something like,"Mmmhm. Tight jeans, too."

"Still got'em. Right next to my vinyl _Nevermind the Bollocks_ album. I could be persuaded-"

A sobbing Jo invaded their personal space, barely able to get her words out. They were able to discern "....Max...blue...my dad.." and within seconds were running through Balthazar's house, and down the street to the house next door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm normally not a fan of Ed Sheeran, but "Perfect," is the only song of his I don't mind. I changed a few lyrics because I wanted to, lol. And thinking about these two rare idiots dancing under patio lights gave me a case of the feels. 
> 
> Shut up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for realistic depictions of life saving resuscitation measures on infants.  
> Bradycardia rhythm: abnormally slow heart beat  
> Tachycardia rhythm: abnormally fast heart beat 
> 
> "Fergus, tha feum ort an seo sa bhad"=Fergus, you're needed here immediately (Scottish Gaelic)

Gabriel could hardly breathe as he scaled the last few steps to the second floor, to find Ellen and John both in tears, doing chest compressions on Max. Gabe and Mick flew into emergency mode and swiftly took little Max from them. Moments later he could hear the sounds of Dean and Cas running in as well. 

"He's got a brady rhythm," Mick assessed.

"I'll get the ventilator bag," Dean said, with all the confidence of a seasoned E.R. nurse.

While Cas took care of a traumatized Ellen and John, Gabe could hear Dean listing off vitals, and rooting around through the room’s cupboards for various equipment to start basic life support protocol. Gabriel was beside himself, desperate to save these precious souls, but at what cost? They were in arrest, and depending on what it took to get them back, _if_ they could get them back, their condition and ensuing quality of life could be exceedingly poor. 

Just as Dean pulled a bag mask out of the cupboard for Max, Alicia's monitors went off, signaling that she was going into respiratory arrest and would soon follow Max. Gabriel was so grateful for the help of Dean and Mick, who were keeping their cool and doing the best anyone could in the situation. 

He noted they sounded more calm than he certainly felt, and Dean had to be simply dying inside, despite his commendable performance thus far. Dean came back with two bag masks, setting them up for ventilation when Max's alarm alerted to full cardiac arrest. 

Dean pulled out the two laptop sized bags he'd brought over. "I've got the defibrillators right here."

Gabriel finished setting up the ventilation bag for Alicia, while Mick nimbly rolled Max onto his stomach and took the pad from Dean, placing it on his back like a sticker, then hooked up the electrodes. Just as Dean placed the second pad on Max, Alicia's monitors went off. Gabriel ceased using the bag and went for the electrode pads, working alarmingly fast to get her set up. 

Dean pressed the charge button on one machine. "Hands clear." 

Mick pulled his hands back from working on Max. They watched the shock button light up, then deliver a current to Max, who stiffened in response. As soon as Alicia was set up, once again Dean announced, "Hands clear," and charged the defibrillator. 

He was frantically looking back and forth between the monitors of his little son and daughter. No change in Max. The button on Alicia's defibrillator lit up, then she too stiffened. Gabriel was beginning to spiral, even though he'd been in this very situation countless times before. Sometimes he'd beaten the odds. Sometimes he hadn't.

_No. No. No..don't do this! Don't take them just yet, please!_

It went back and forth like this, and time lost all meaning. At some point Castiel was there, tearfully imploring them to let him help, but there was nothing he could do. He was as helpless as the rest of them, and yet, his cerulean eyes bore into _him_ , begging him to push beyond his scope, beyond all reason, to perform a miracle. 

Gabriel was at his wits end. With nothing in the realm of medicine he could conjure, he stepped away from Alicia's NICU bed and dropped to his knees in tears.

_I cannot abide these children dying. I'm begging anybody or anything out there that's listening to come for me. My life for th-_

"No, Gabriel. _STOP!_ " a thundering voice called out.

Ceasing all movement as if frozen, everyone stopped, but their eyes peered around for the source of the voice, finding them in the corner of the room, near the Tree of Souls painted so carefully and intricately by Castiel. Had he heard the echoes of windchimes? He'd often heard them in hospital, but thought it was part of some new fangled alert, like a call button pushed. Yet, here was the same sound. And now flashes of purple could be seen whizzing around the room like a pinball in play.

Gabriel thought he'd gone mad, noticing every light in the Tree was now an eye. Dozens and dozens of eyes, purple and blinking at him. He knew those eyes well, but how on earth was this happening? 

"Rowena, help us! Please!" Castiel begged.

 _Wut. The. Shit_. Gabe now wondered, had he been roofied? If so, at what point, and by whom?

All of the purple eyes closed at once. Rowena's petite form was suddenly standing in the corner in front of the tree. Large almond shaped eyes, three on each side of her face, glowed a deep purple. Extending to the ceiling were two sets of wings hosting eyes countless in number. Resting above her head, within an inverted v-shaped halo, were sets of wheels within wheels, continuously spinning.

"Rowena, what the hell? What, who are you?" Mick murmured in shock.

"Fergus, tha feum ort an seo sa bhad."

"I'm an Ophanim, dear. A Wheel of God? Have yae forgotten catechism already?"

"It's an angel, yeah?"

"Aye."

Everyone seemed torn between digesting that nugget and noticing the room's silence. The absence of the monitors blaring. Gabriel stood and saw the machines had stopped as if time itself stood still.

"Time _has_ stopped, Gabriel," Rowena confirmed, "or rather, we're moving around it."

"Why?"

"What is this? What's going on? What's the graveyard Chaplain doing here?" Mick begged, quickly losing his mind.

Rowena gazed at Mick sympathetically, but the Chaplain who'd suddenly appeared in the room merely rolled his eyes. 

"You really have no idea who you are...and here I thought you'd just been giving me the silent treatment these past two decades."

"Who am I? And I guess, who are you?" Gabriel asked.

"He's a nephil, demon, and my son," Rowena explained, as if it were so simple to understand. "We've been hoping our presence would awaken your memories, but yae keep surpressing yerself."

"I'm sorry, what? Plain English please." Gabriel was beginning to get a little pissed off.

"It's better if you can remember on yer own," Rowena suggested.

"Mother, that's worked so well, hasn't it? Allow me.." the guy reached for his head, but he flinched. Like hell was he letting Grouchy Dr. Who near him, until he knew what was going on.

"Doc, he's not gonna hurt you, I promise. Crowley's one of the good guys."

Grouchy tossed a smirk over his shoulder to Dean. "I'd say I'd resent that, but I really don't," then he turned back to Gabriel and suggested, "Will it help if I assure that you're one of us as well?"

Nope. Gabriel demanded in fuming irritation, "Fucking WHO??? All I've got to go on is angel, demon, and whatever the hell else was mentioned." 

Once again Grouchy eye rolled, and touched his right temple with his fingers. Instantly Gabriel's brain was besieged with visions and associated senses, as if he were actually experiencing them all over again.

Thousands upon thousands of brethren witnessing the birth of the universe expanding, stretching. The silence permeated his very existence for millions of years while molecules spun and collided, gathering space dust. Over time, the dust amassed and became chunks that collected when colliding. Spheres appeared; at first their gravitational rhythm made no sense but in time, they too flowed in cosmic harmony. 

Animals floated, then crawled out of the sea. He told the youngest of his brethren not to step on the fish which so bravely flopped about in the muddy tide, daring to be more than the universe had dictated. New intelligent creatures with incredible emotional depth and range began interacting, banding together. They argued, they were passionate. They smelled. And then the acrid smoke was a curse upon the Earth. It happened differently on each Earth, but the smoke by man did come, and destruction it brought. Until man understood that with the chaos and upheaval it also brought forth renewal of life. Wind blew, ash settled. Greenery pushed through the ground and fought to bathe in the sun's rays. 

Yet war between different men broke the chain on earth as it did in heaven. The people Father created and molded in his ever changing image stood by, witnessing the loss of one who metaphorically cleansed them. Gave them another chance. But it did not bring the peace intended. His brothers and sisters fought as hard as the humans against each other. The clanging of swords and the shouts of pain and death were felt in heaven no differently than below. And yet his brother, and later his friend kept him sane. They gave him council and healed him. Crowley! He'd healed him, fought beside him and Castiel as a brother.

Gabriel felt such an ache in his being. He'd tried for longer than he could remember to help his beloved family stop fighting. Mend things. Stop taking sides. The silver, screaming, and schemes never ceased. He was tired of wiping the proverbial blood and tears from his visage. He was tired of "Brother, please don't" and "You deserved so much better."

For a small time there was peace. Peace he'd enjoyed spending with Castiel and Crowley, building and tending to a wondrous realm of children and dreams. Imperium Innocentia, it was a place of Crowley's invention where he harbored souls who'd traded themselves for another's salvation. Yet instead of eternal torment, they served their sentences in the place tailored specifically to help their souls heal, regaining the precious innocence they'd lost. 

Yet, the insufferable chess pieces continued moving towards an unfathomable prophecy pitting brother against brother, was the catalyst for self imposed exile. He had those in heaven he cherished and loved. Those he couldn't bear to witness turn or be killed like so many others, or be sacrificed as collateral. That was the last straw, and so he threw himself to the earth, hurtling through the atmosphere, touching down somewhere in the Yucatan. 

There he spent months roaming, forgetting pieces of his celestial self until finding a suitable vessel. One which when inhabiting, erased all celestial memory, wiping the slate clean. The blank slate terrified him. Had he done something wrong? Was this punishment for a grievous crime? He was stranded and hungry for some time. Then a wonderful, beautiful soul and their family found him! 

Kali found his nineteen year old vessel, too weak from starvation, to move from the beach. She'd been vacationing with her parents, wealthy doctors from New York City, when they'd taken him in under their care. They'd loved him like any regular parents. Once it'd been established that he truly was lost and had no idea who he was, they'd brought him back with them, and paid for medical school with Kali at Loyola. He'd never been able to recall who he was, but he knew he had a passion for medicine, and loved Kali with all his heart.

"Now do you realize who you are, and why you cannot make such a catastrophic offer?" Crowley implored.

Gabe was still processing all he'd just experienced. He could barely think, let alone speak.

"Hold on..what offer?" Mick demanded, very clearly DONE, and unimpressed with the supernatural bullshit and wanting answers.

Crowley volunteered, "In his desperation to save these children, he attempted to trade his own life as if it meant nothing, to demons who would not only let these sweet children die, but rip his grace from him and torture him for all eternity."

Then he turned back to Gabriel and continued his scolding, which became evident it was from a place of hurt and not assholery.

"Do you have any idea the disaster that would bring? The ripple effects for centuries to come if my mother had arrived a second later? You don't..of course you don't!"

"Is it true, Gabe?"

Gabriel heard the tension in Mick's voice; it made him sick to hear the disappointment and hurt in his voice as well. He didn't want to face him, but not doing so would be far more disrespectful. 

"I..I can't lose them, Mick. I couldn't keep my family from tearing itself apart, and all these children just keep slipping through my fingers. Since Dean lost everything because of me, I've steadily lost more patients. I couldn't even save my wife! I'm nothing if I can't save people!" Gabriel broke down and cried.

"But you're _everything_ to me! Kali couldn't be saved, but you gave her comfort she'd never have had if married to anyone else. We lose children every week, but I've seen you carry their families through the most painful thing they'll ever experience, never leaving their side until they're ready. You've given Max and Alicia your heart, hell even your health. But you can't see that despite them dying, they've smiled, been held, and loved by you more deeply than most babies will ever experience? Because of _you_ , Dean's alive to give them the love and care they need when you're away."

There was so much info that'd poured in. So much more still pouring in, Gabe could barely compute it all. Mick was furious with him, and his ire hurt so much. He was right, and yet Gabriel couldn't bring himself to speak, all he could do in the moment was absorb.

"Jesus Gabe, you think I don't feel worthless sometimes? I thought we'd gotten Auggie over that hill, but then I had to make that call to his single father in the middle of the night, informing that his son was dead on my watch after telling him he could go home and rest easy. It fucking _hurts_! But not once would I ever contemplate a move like this, because it’s giving in to the despair, it's letting the darkness win. I love you. Others love you. But none of it’s making a dent in that armor of yours until you start believing it, and I can't stick around to watch you drown in self hatred."

Mick grabbed his car keys from his pocket, descended the stairs, and left.


	7. Chapter 7

"I tried awakening your memories, but they were locked inside yae so deep I'd have broken yae getting in there."

"How the hell’d he do it, then?" Gabe pointed to Crowley. 

"It requires a certain level of personal intimacy..and previous consent."

"Well, what the hell does that mean?"

Crowley huffed, touching Gabe’s temple yet again. Another waterfall of memories came tumbling back in. Ones saturated in loss, camaraderie, healing, and trust. A deep connection _had_ existed, they were very dear friends.

"Oh!" Gabriel gasped, not in horror per se, but he was really nearing his sanity limit, and didn't exactly know how to deal with this all at once.

Placing a hand on Gabriel's shoulder, Crowley promised, "It wasn't all bad."

"What else have you kept from me?!" 

"That's all. I give you my word."

Gabe scoffed, and Crowley looked around, gesturing at Dean and Castiel for verification. 

"His word is his bond," Dean assured.

"Fabulous. So if you guys had the juice to power jailbreak my noodle, why didn't you fix the twins, huh?" He demanded.

Rowena carefully delivered, "It was important you regain faith in yourself on your own."

"Yeah, well I didn't! Did I? and they may be stuck in a time warp, but how many others did you let die when they could've been saved?" Gabriel was quickly growing furious with Rowena and Crowley, not to mention Dean and Castiel.

"You guys know about this too, and did nothing?"

Castiel appeared on the cusp of answering, but Rowena took a firm stance, obviously somewhat offended by the accusation.

"We cannae change fate. Those meant to die, we make as comfortable as we can to ease their passing. The law of the multiverse dictates we cannot intervene. But these sweet bairns are not fated to go just yet. Yae can still save'em."

"Jesus Christ, HOW?! Don't you think I would have if I'd known, and spared us all the stress and worry?" Gabriel railed at all of them.

Crowley elucidated, "And had you, Dean and Cas wouldn't have them, would they? You'd have gone on thinking you'd irrevocably broken that man, and allowed the knowledge to fester until it consumed the last shred of who you are."

"Yeah, yeah I get it. An angel who's fallen and can't get up. I'm a walking, talking, laughable 90's commercial."

"You're TRUTH Gabriel! You speak it and you live it, and yet you're so blind to your own, it's held you back from doing the work you love. It's diminished your powers. Reclaim yourself!" Crowley implored.

"How! You said we can't change fate, how is it not fate that these twins have a heart condition unfixable by modern medicine?!"

"Because the condition was never meant to happen. Their mother's death was never supposed to happen! They were cursed by a witch. Their mother was a natural, benevolent practitioner of magic, and was cursed by another when she was pregnant. You can intervene, you can save them. Yae just have to dig deep, remember your way back to the light, and reclaim your truth."

 _It's giving in to the despair, the darkness._ Doing nothing is letting the darkness win. 

Gabriel was moved in a way he couldn't yet identify, yet something inside was now fighting when seconds earlier there'd been confusion. Defeat. He reached out to the twins and lay his hands over their chests, and let the love he had for them in his heart guide him. He willed light to come forth from his love, and was surprised by how quickly it was summoned and consumed him. 

The curse was something he could now sense in their molecules, intertwined in their DNA and coursing through their miniscule veins. Gabriel pulled on it carefully, letting the brilliance surrounding him dictate every vascular route necessary to eradicate the evil that had befallen them. It seeped out into his hands through the illumination pulsing back and forth between him and the twins. His rage over the death of their beloved mother, and the loss it'd caused these souls was something he fought to keep down as he purified their blood of the dark magic. His hurt for their loss was matched by how much he loved them. 

When he could feel the last of the curse ebbing away, he finally took a deep breath for the first time in ages, knowing they were safe. Scooping them up and holding them close, he cried. He cried for their loss. For other patients he'd lost but whose fate he couldn't change. For Dean losing Jimmy. For Kali. For himself. He cried a river until it ran dry. 

When Max and Alicia began to squirm and yawn in his arms, it jolted him out of his pity party, necessary though it was. Relief unlike any other flooded through him. When he looked up, Castiel looked incredibly strange. 

"Brother, you're you..but..you've lost so much grace. Your form is small," Gabriel observed.

"Yours is too. I think it happens when we fall. But what's important is that we get up again," Castiel declared as he embraced Gabriel, "I've missed you. Welcome back big brother."

Gabriel handed Alicia to Castiel and Max to Dean. "You're low on grace?"

Castiel shrugged, "Didn't really stick the landing too well, I shattered and my halo went to Jimmy, but I was lucky enough to have procured his younger brother, Castiel. Crowley was of great help."

"You're my dearest friend, how could I not help put Humpty Dumpty together again?" Crowley smirked at Cas, holding his hands out for Max, "May I?"

Dean easily relented, despite just almost having lost both children. Gabriel surmised their relationship must be a truly trusting one indeed for Dean to hand him over so willingly. All the memories with Crowley were falling like snowflakes around the other memories still settling. Comfort blanketed him when remembering they'd remained fierce friends. 

"Cas, how the hell did Crowley find you?" Gabriel wanted to know.

"Jimmy summoned a demon to deal for Dean's life, just as you planned moments ago. Rowena intercepted that deal and notified me immediately. I offered him the chance to carry out his sentence in Imperium Innocentia, since even for love as you well know, a deal is an affront to God. He accepted, and I ensured you and Kali had everything you needed. Jimmy wasn't aware of who he was, his fall took his memories, much like yours did. Later, by accident, Sam mistook lore about me as proof I'd been killing children, swindling them out of their deals and delivering them to Hell. Once I'd cleared my name and recognized Cas, I'd made plans to retrieve Jimmy from Imperium Innocentia, and reunite him with Cas. Before that could happen I uncovered that Charon, the High Ferryman, had taken Jimmy and other children who'd I'd been assured were ferried straight to heaven from my realm, and planned to use their souls and Jim's grace to take over everything. We launched a rescue mission to Chaos, it was successful and now we have the brother, Castiel, you see today, albeit running on about fifty percent mojo."

"I remember helping you build a realm for children! Who are you, freaking Peter Pan?"

"Inspiration in the flesh..as it were," Crowley bowed his head.

"And don't tell me, Ti-"

"Do not compare me to a miniature, blond bimbo with win-"

"She’s definitely Tinkerbell," Dean confirmed with a loving smirk.

"And I work on Unit Neverland...am I losing my mind?" Gabriel wondered.

"Gabriel, you've just been awakened by the original Lost Boy, welcome to the club," Cas grinned. 

Speaking of lost, no doubt there'd be all the time in the world for as many questions as he wanted to ask, but seeing as how the twins were now very well, he had a wrong he needed to right. Someone he was sure he'd lost, but wanted to find. 

Crowley proceeded to state, "Dr. Davies is on yer mind. He fancies you, as he's right to adore someone with such a kind heart. You should see to that."

Gabriel took Rowena's advice, hugged them all and kissed the babies, and hopped in an Uber to Mick's house. The entire ride over there he was a wreck, wondering how, or even _if,_ he'd win him back.

  


When he got there, he stood outside for who knows how long continuing to stew and pace, the urge to talk but the uncertainty of what to say eating him alive. But something compelled him to knock eventually, and when Mick opened the door, his eyes were red rimmed and hollow, as if someone he loved deeply had just passed away.

"I'm too late, aren't I?" Gabriel asked, terrified of his response, "You've already written me off…"

"Think I'd look this bad if that were the case? This is what you don't understand, and I don't know how to _make_ you understand. It doesn't matter what I say, or how much or how hard I say it. Or anybody else for that matter. If you can't start forgiving yourself, internalizing your self worth then you really are lost, and what I think and feel means nothing."

"It means everything to me!" Gabriel walked into his house and sat at the bottom of the stairs, "something you said earlier finally clicked and made sense, Mick. I saved the twins, they're healthy and well. And this whole angel thing is just wild and probably freaking you out, sorry."

"I don't care if you’re an angel or the ghost of Christmas past...I meant what I said. I can't do this with you unless you start recognizing who you really are."

"I'm an angel, guess it'll take time figuring out what that means ag-"

"You're someone brilliant and worthy of love."

It took a second to register, but it caught on.

"I know I've fought hard for others, kids. My family who wasn't worth fighting over or for. It's been eons since I've fought for myself, and it’s why I've been unable to see the impact I've made. You've changed that for me. It’s small. It's going to take time. I really do want to fight for myself, so I can keep fighting for what I love. And for _who_ I love."

Mick stepped into his personal space, and asked, "Who's that, exactly?"

"You."

Mick pulled him up flush against himself and demanded, "You better love yourself at least half as much as I love you."

He crushed his lips to Gabriel's, and it was like a sunburst going off inside him. Fire ignited through his veins as they took the steps one by one, took their clothes off, shirt by pants by boxer briefs, until every step of the staircase was littered with their clothes and they fell onto the comforter of Mick's bed. 

Mick was beautiful and kind. He was everything Gabriel had seen and loved in humanity. He'd lost sight of that, and realized Mick and his own memory of Kali were the only shreds he'd been clinging to for so long, and that wasn't nearly fuel enough for the long haul. But until he was able to build back enough faith in himself, Mick was busy instilling that passion and drive to keep going. And boy, did he _ever_ wanna go.

Mick's kisses were firestorm against his lips and down his neck. His confident hands grazed down his chest, sending chills through his spine. The weight of him settling between Gabriel's legs was lovingly absorbed and every small thrust of his hips, rubbing their lengths together, sent shockwaves over his whole body. 

"I want you," Gabriel choked out. 

Mick assured him in between kisses, "And you'll have me. We'll get there. We've got time."

His mouth moved lower, showering him with affection, pleasantly murmuring something about his Adonis belt. Gabriel was kind of kicking himself for not having manscaped as well as he'd like, but Mick appeared to give zero fucks as he kissed up and down his hardening shaft, then gently sucked on his swollen head. It'd been ages since someone had loved him like this, and his sensitivity levels were through the roof, as if he were a teenager all over again. 

Holy hell, did Mick know what he was doing. He read every twitch, sigh, forward push of his hips like a book. He studied every reaction, assaulting him with a game of pause and resume. When physical sensations became too much, he held his hips down, challenging him to push through it. Each time he'd near that delectable precipice, he'd bring him right back off that cliff. Mick must've been nudging himself right along, because when Gabriel was yet again on the verge of coming, Mick shot up and kissed him like mad. Taking both of them in hand, he thrust forward, grinding against Gabriel, groaning softly against his neck.

"Let go Gabriel, let it all go. I love you."

Gabriel opened his eyes, knowing they were illuminated in amber. He clung to Mick, running a hand through his hair and finally letting himself go over that edge. Both of them erupted at the same time, sighing through their kisses, feeling the gushing heat striping over their skin. 

"Your eyes are something else, you know that?" Mick gasped, as the last vestiges of their orgasm shuddered through him. "Makes a guy feel kinda good about himself, getting a reaction like that."

"You’re welcome?" Gabe huffed, attempting to catch his breath, "How are you so chill about this?"

"Fell out of my parents' third floor flat when I was five. An angel healed me enough to survive the trip to hospital."

"How come this is the first time I'm hearing about this?" Gabriel was astonished; they'd talked about everything, or so he'd thought. 

"It's not really something one brings up in casual conversation, is it?"

Gabe wondered, "And did this sibling of mine happen to leave a name?"

"He did. Said his name was Ezekiel."

Holding Mick's face, Gabriel promised, "He's one of the good guys."

"From my point of view, I'd say so."

"I love my point of view."

"And I, mine."

They spent the rest of the night kissing and trying to get it up again, but they were over fifty and ended up falling asleep, despite their enthusiasm.


	8. Chapter 8

**Epilogue **

_One month later..._

Gabriel awakened groggy as Hell, and lonely, in a cold bed. Had this entire past month been a dream? They'd run batteries of tests over the days following him breaking the curse cast upon the twins. Every single test, imaging, and lab value came back reflecting perfect health. To unit Neverland, it was a medical mystery. To Gabriel and his little family, which now included the Winchesters, Novaks, Harvelles, Rowena, Crowley, and of course Mick, it was a miracle.

So Mick decided said miracle deserved a well earned vacation, and nothing was as spectacular, in his humble opinion, as an autumn tour of the North Coast 500 highway through the Scottish Highlands. For the last thirty days or so, they'd spent lazy mornings cozied up in ancient Bed & Breakfast cottages along the coast, having sex and sleeping in, then adventuring on the beaches and the archipelago of the Hebrides.

Mick insisted he sample all the cuisine and spirits for which Scotland was known, and plenty of off menu fare for which it wasn't. In between adventures, Gabriel had spent time zooming with Mick's therapist Marv to whom he'd been referred, and began working towards a better self view, among other things. Each day the sun shone brighter and his love for this life, and new relationship with Mick grew stronger. Each day, he got a little piece of himself back. 

They'd have spent another month there easily, if not for an email from Dean inviting them to a most triumphant event, for which there'd be no question of them not returning. Yet, as he stretched in Mick's King sized bed, shoving away the fog of grotesque jet lag, he became aware of something he wanted and was greatly missing. 

Padding downstairs quietly, while following his nose towards the smell of coffee, he paused at the couch with a sleepy smirk, at the adorable neurologist who was downing his brew while going over trial updates in his field. 

Gabriel straddled Mick's lap, leisurely kissing him, forcing the paperwork aside.

"Mmmm, now that's a proper morning salute if ever I felt one. Lucky me."

"Indeed. Lucky us," Gabriel lightheartedly laughed.

Mick enthusiastically bumped him off, only to yank his own pajama pants down and then leaned forward to give Gabriel's cock some good morning loves. He adored running his hands through Mick's hair, the raven mane had begun to beautifully salt and pepper, leaving him with an appearance of pure sophistication. Of course there was nothing sophisticated about how sinfully he was blowing Gabriel, but fortunately, Gabriel didn't give a flying fuck about sophistication.

Yet, it didn't last long. Gabriel loved reciprocating as much as receiving. He dropped to his knees in between Mick’s and contentedly sucked down his length, which just kept growing with interest. His hands slid down along the couch cushions to cup his ass and yank his hips out a bit further, for better access. Since he had practically no gag reflex, he paused when swallowing every inch of him, squeezing his throat muscles around his cock like a seductive, lascivious hug.

"Keep that up, Gabe, I'm going to come, and I've a suspicion you'd prefer I last longer than this," Mick's commanding morning voice went right to his dick.

Mick yanked him back up onto his lap for some soft, tantalizing kisses, holding him close while snuggling for warmth. Gabe's hips circled and tilted, making it very clear what he was after. Still having plenty of grace left, things like lube conveniently weren't necessary, so when Mick tilted his own hips upward, he slid inside Gabriel perfectly. The moan escaping his lips while his dick was getting warm, loving strokes by his good doctor, only drove home for him that his precious lover was indeed, Sexy Bond M.D.

"You're in no mood to draw this out, are you angel?" Mick gasped against his lips, Gabriel's hot breath only heightening the fervor. Their tongues danced around each other and stoked the fires between them. 

Gabriel picked up the pace, enjoying the delicious nudge against his prostate.

"I love when you're needy like this, angel. That's it, take what you want from me, make yourself come."

The morning gravel in Mick's voice was home. Coziness. The essence of seduction. And the soothing balm to Gabriel's soul. His thrusts became greedy and frantic.

"That's it my beautiful angel, ride me. I love you like this. Selfish in the best way. You gonna come all over me?" Mick cooed.

All Gabriel could do was nod. He was incapable of speech. Billions of years old, and this _human_ bossed him around in the most wonderful way. Made him slow down to enjoy things, but also encouraged with a green light going for them full force, because he deserved them. Deserved to _feel good._

"Gabriel, look at me, show me those stunners mate. Make the glowy ey-theeeere they are. I know you're close, love. C'mon, keep going."

Mick filled his palms with Gabriel's ass, fucking into him against each counter thrust. Mick's own hazel green peepers were practically glowing as well, with love and lust. The sweat from his brow as it trickled down his temple threw Gabriel over the edge, because Mick in beast fuck mode was hotter than Hades. 

Gabriel noticed his pupils dilating the harder Mick fucked him, but he couldn't worry about that in the moment because he was coming hard and fast all over his chest, his ass milking Mick's come from him. Both hearts were racing, and wouldn't slow for some time as Mick threw him to the side onto the couch cushions, hovering between his legs, desperately sucking him for every last drop. 

Gabriel was mesmerized when learning angel come contained some energy boosting properties, and Mick had become a beautiful whore for it, as well as having developed a healthy cum kink in general. So Gabe decided to help him out, and pull a few multiples on the guy, since he made him feel like the most adored being in the universe. He carefully pumped himself into Mick's mouth while garnering a salacious, grateful moan. This went on for quite a while until even he, an angel of the lord, grew twitchy from oversensitivity. Mick tenderly kissed his softening dick in between heart melting murmurs of 'I love you so much, perfect angel.'

Normally Gabriel would love to see Mick napping after such a round, and yet the entire purpose of them coming home was significant enough to get their sated asses up and scrambling for their clothes. They dressed to the nines for this momentous occasion.

"Can I just say how dashing you are in a three piece suit?" Mick flirted, while straightening his tie.

"You’re practically wearing the same thing, but I'll never tire of the compliments," he grinned back. 

Mick presented something he'd toted from their trip, "The fedora you had your eye on back in Wester Ross..for an extra little je-ne-sais-quois."

Gabriel gave him a wink, a smile, and the grossest, happiest kiss ever.

Once they arrived at their destination, they each had to empty their pockets and go through the rigamarole of metal detectors and the like. 

Balthazar met them in the hallway, and motioned for them to follow him into courtroom number four. They quietly entered to see Dean and Cas, also dressed to impress while holding the twins, standing in front of the judge. 

"And you've chosen to hyphenate their last name, correct?" She asked. 

"If possible, we'd like them to have Winchester-Banes please," Dean nervously clarified, "In honor of their late mother."

"Granted. It's remarkable what all of you have overcome. My hope is that you continue on in good health, enriching each other's lives. So it's with great pleasure I declare the state of Kansas officially recognizes Alicia and Max Banes as legally adopted by Dean and Castiel Winchester."

As the room erupted with cheers from various other family members, Gabriel watched Dean and Cas kiss each other and then the smiling twins, wiping a few tears away from each others' cheeks. What the four of them had been through was enormous. This triumph deserved the highest celebration. Hugs were given all around. Pictures were flashing and the passing of the twins occurred nearly every thirty seconds. Even Gabriel and Mick were roped into saying cheese and holding the babies. 

Afterwards, a huge barbecue was held back at Dean and Cas's place. The burgers were out of this world, even Rowena and Crowley partook, despite having no need. They'd been named God parents, and both took the positions with honor and pride. 

"How's the uh..significant other, Crowley?" Dean nervously asked, though Gabriel thought his tone was perfectly polite. 

"Oh, Death? Billie's around, though I'd prefer seeing her more often, "Crowley shot him a marvelously maniacal grin before sauntering off for more Scotch.

"I'm sorry, what-who?" Gabriel asked in utter astonishment, "you've just never seemed the commitment type is all.."

"I know, right?" Dean's eyes grew huge in mutual understanding of this heavy realization, "come by sometime. It's a real story for the ages...no joke."

Gabriel and Mick didn't know what to say, but agreed; they'd love another visit, and to be filled in on that gem of a conversation starter. The revelry lasted long into the night, Gabriel and Mick returned home utterly exhausted, but not too exhausted to cuddle before jet lagged sleep deprivation dragged them under. 

Monday morning came too soon. Gabriel was begging Mick to take him back to Scotland, to which it was agreed upon come early next spring. They readied themselves for a day at work, both shyly smirking as they walked onto unit Neverland donning their white coats, their pockets lined with sugar free lollipops for the children they treasured so much. Everyone was thrilled to have them back, even the gentleman with the black suit and green breast pocket square who winked as he passed them in the halls. 

Gabriel began his day with renewed faith in himself. A fragile faith that still had plenty of room to grow and thrive, but the spirit was willing and moving again, which was all that mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming along on this journey. If you're so inclined, stay tuned for the third and final installment of this series which will be posting in May, featuring another beloved and prominent characters' journey from this verse.


End file.
